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What if...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by BH40, Sep 22, 2011.

  1. BH40

    BH40 Member

    To put my dilema into context I will have to go back to how it all started...

    11 years ago this October, when I was 10 years old, I was violently attacked by two men, aged 21 and 18. I was beaten over the shoulder by these men with a plank of wood. Ever since I found it hard to even step outside my front door, and knowing the attackers lived not too far away didn't help. Soon they moved away and I started getting a little better but they came back and I went down hill again.

    Fast forwarding to now, I still hadn't been outside my home in all that time, not on my own at least, but now I am in University and living on my own, a huge step for me, and I'm proud I did it....but the problem is this:

    I haven't made a single friend yet, I try my best to talk to people as much as I can, but I'm scared, I shake so much I look like an idiot. At first they understood, but recently they have started to ignore me, talk as if I'm not there and when I try to talk they disappear to somewhere else and just leave me in the dark.

    I'm terrified that I wont be able to make friends here, I'm scared that the rest of my life will be spent alone, I dont know what to do anymore... I just want to quit and hide away in my room untill I die.
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Just letting you know I can relate a lot to your situation. I'm living on my own for the first time while living on campus (freshman at this university). At times I have felt very isolated, and still do depending on my mood. It sort of helps me when I think to myself that I've lived most of my life with no one but my family. Makes me feel like I don't have to be with others to survive on my own, as I've never had any close friends IRL in recent memory. Being out in public is stressful for me, so sometimes it's hard for me to know what I want since I have gotten to know my capability in public better... i.e. what I'm comfortable with etc.

    I hope to talk to you again soon.
  3. BH40

    BH40 Member

    thats what I've been doing, I've had no one but my family (even professionals just shrug me off) and I keep trying to think about how I've managed through elementary school, high school and college alone, with no friends. I've had people to talk to but no friends, and right now I don't even have that, they avoid me like I have the plague.

    In my lecture today I had a row of seats to myself because people point blank refused to be near me...I don't know what to do