Okay, I know I've hit a "bottom". I'd imagine that someone who constantly thinks of not just hurting but murdering himself or others has hit some sort of bottom. I'm ready to give up and turn myself into a hospital, because I'm just getting closer all the time to killing myself. Just becoming so fed up with my life and the way, everytime I come up with a solution the sheer hopelessness of it all ends up bringing me back down to zero once again. As is the case with every situation in my life, this one is also helpless too because my family cannot afford for me to stay at the hospital. We're far from poor, but we're farther from rich, and a stay in a hospital (which is what I need now) would kill them financially. So am I supposed to just indefinitely watch my mental state deteriorate or do I be insensitive and go to the hospital and add to my family's financial woes? Dying is the only solution.