I am 24 and have stage 3, borderline stage 4, liver cirrhosis. A lot of nausea and fatigue. I have problems with my nervous system, specifically as it relates to my heart. I had a mini-stroke about a year ago. Before I was diagnosed, my family thought I had anorexia. I am a man. I can't express in words just how painful this was for me. Just so much guilt from thinking something was my fault and not being able to do anything about it, and having others tell me I should change. I've wanted to die for years. I pray for it hundreds of time every day. If it was just a matter of ending my life, I'd do it without question. However, I know that God would not be pleased with this decision, and I'd still have to work out my pain and guilt on the other side, where it would be harder. Here is my question - I have to bend over backwards to eat enough to keep myself alive. I guess I still associate so much pain with food - it was like feeling you ate Thanksgiving dinner after every meal, and thinking that it was what you were doing that was causing you to feel that way. I also have arranged to work from home for my job. My question is how hard do I have to work to stay alive and have God not consider it to be suicide? I believe that if I were to get another job where I have to go into work and/or get a roommate, it would be too difficult to eat, and I'd end up dying. On weeks where I do go into work, by the end of the week, I am very weak, and the lower part of my body has gone numb. The thing is, it is not painful at all for me quit eating. I am hungry for maybe an hour or so after mealtime, and if I don't continue the ritual of eating regularly, my body just quits asking for food, and it becomes exponentially harder to begin eating again. Almost as if it's saying "well, I'm glad you're not feeding me, because it's easier for me just to die anyways." But, the thing is, that it would still be a conscious choice - I "could" eat if I wanted to. I guess once I could no longer force myself to eat, I could attach feeding tubes. I guess, I could try to get a liver transplant - and basically cause another person who wishes to live to die waiting for a liver. Where does it stop? What is the line?