I have been in 'crisis' for a week now. I had a massive argument that turned physical with my sister last weekend. My sister is my life line and now she has abandoned me like everyone else has done that has been in my life. I don't know what to do anymore. I've had the police out answering welfare concerns. But those concerns were only ever raised to make those people feel better. I have been on my own all week. All I've done is cry and sleep pretty much. Especially the last 48 hours. I am an illegal drug user in the way that I try to turn everything off with it. But now not even that works so why waste my money. I have no friends. Family have all but turned their back on me. Though that was done many years ago through the horrible teenager I was. I've gone from a fierce teenager through to my adult years to become a waste of space. I have little education, therefore no career. I've not worked for nearly 3 years now and don't ever see myself being able to cope with an adult lifestyle. I am to all intense and purposes a child in a adult body. I need constant reassurance which I'm not getting. My life has just spiraled out of control and I can't even pinpoint anymore where it all went wrong. I desperately don't want to be here, if I could blink myself out of existence I would. I don't have the guts to end my life. I have tried several times over the years. I just want to be with my nan who I let down in her last month's of life. I let everyone down though so it shouldn't bother me. But my nan was the only person that got me. Both cast aside by our families. But I let her down. I am waiting for my new allocation now under the mental health team where I live. What's the point though? They've already discharged me twice. The most recent being June just gone. They can't help me. No one can help me. So I guess till or of I ever get the guys together I will.simply lurch from one crisis point to the next. I can't take that. Over half my life I've been like this. I really should be used to it. There are more days I feel like I don't want to be here. But I guess I am still in battle with myself over the urge to no longer be here or that tiniest amount of hope I have of ever feeling better. I just don't know.