Perhaps it has been waiting for some divine intervention. just waiting, revealing every possible scenario in preparation for this successful death. there are so many ways to die, but all could be intervened. I have got to die in more ways than one. I no longer want, have no soul. Pulled to the brink of some emotional death where I am living but yet I am already dead. No love to give, could watch endless suffering like low functioning autonomic nervous system. Not flinching or anything the same, just the whole world of this reality I have created of my thoughts and memories and expressed feelings. A tall man cannot hide in the short grass, he may speak lies though others do not hear them. I bear the truth of all my knowledge, my deciet and my discrimination.