what is going on?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Smashed__, Jul 6, 2008.

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  1. Smashed__

    Smashed__ Well-Known Member

    when I self harm its usually for relief from a built up combo of Anger, stress, frustration, anxiety, depression and fear. Lately I haven't even been getting the relief I'm in need of and end up breaking down, sometimes reverting back to the mindset of a child blaming myself for things I think I know aren't true.

    My mum always picks me up or atleast lays next to me until i'm "better". However, I am getting frustrated as I so loved that feeling.. the release.. the fact I could put myself back together and patch up that 'fuck it, It doesn't bother me' face and stop crying. I just don't understand what's wrong with me and why one of the few things that helped me when I reach that boiling point is fading away.

    Any ideas as to why Its suddenly making me feel worse rather than better? I don't get cravings, but I am begining to fantasize about how it felt before.. every belt or leash or rope makes me think about it.
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i don't know *why* it stops working, but i can definitely relate. i cut for a long time; stopped for a number of years, and then started again this year. it only worked for a few months and then stopped working for me. it was very distressing. i felt like one of my only coping mechanisms was being taken from me. i was angry, and hurt, and confused. i was also frustrated. but then i remembered that i had options other than cutting - i had the suicide helpline to chat with, i had the community nurse, i had the therapist. i had SF. i had a doctor i liked and trusted. so i realized that i wasn't without options, it just took a shift in my thinking to understand that a coping resource did NOT have to be one that physically hurt me. i also spent alot of time in therapy looking at why i needed to punish myself.

    all of this is a long way of saying, if self-harm no longer helps perhaps there are other resources you can turn to. like us....
  3. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    it happened to me sometimes...
    Sometimes it did work, sometimes not.... after im doing it rarely, once montly it does barely help...
    Its a chance for you to stop:hug:
  4. Smashed__

    Smashed__ Well-Known Member

    this is exactly how it feels, except I don't have a therpist, or anyone to talk to. I had my mum an still do but I just can't make myself wake her anymore, and she only seems to get it when I'm breaking down and talking 'crazy'. SF no longer helps much and I just float in chat most of the time. I go in and will just cry and watch people chat about good and bad things so I don't feel so alone. It sounds silly but it does something.
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