I can't help but feel like everything is my fault. All the blame from my parent's divorce is inextricably drawn to me. It lasted years but ended almost two decades ago. I am an only child. I was bullied for years every single day in high school. What do these things have in common and what do they mean? Maybe nothing important or significant. But they're at the base of my "problem"- my severely antagonistic view towards atrocious bullying and scorn. I can probably remember twenty negative experiences before I am able to recall two positive attributes about myself. My self concept is inflated when I'm around others, resulting in myself suddenly becoming rampant with dispirited thoughts. My father just finished speaking to my uncle in the living room here at my uncle's house. The faint murmurs seemed louder the one time I happened to hear my name voiced. The next thing I knew, I was pinning myself into the middle of the conversation, imagining that the two were probably speaking about how low I talk and how strange and quiet I am. What may be said behind my back scares me. If I am having a phone conversation in my room, I talk as softly as possible and still become concerned that my father may be able to hear my conversation and is deriding me. The connection between my image, as viewed by others, and negativity or criticism is sewn together so tightly that I cannot visualize where the seams are. I cannot separate fact from fiction. I have been accused of being sensitive. I am, but I don't see why it is a bad thing. My aunt seems to appreciate me, but she barely knows me (my uncle married her long after his first divorce.) Also, my father and his brother have very little interest in each other, so these few days I've been staying at my uncle's house have been full of nearly contentious moments. My father speaks his mind, being pugnaciously sardonic and sarcastically flat. I have been mostly quiet, absorbing the undertone of every gesture and giggle. I have no reason to believe that I am not keenly aware of the signs people are giving each other, but when I am assessing myself, I rate myself as bothering others and being unappealing. If I feel insignificant, am I making myself that way or appear to be that way, or is it "in my head"? I begrudgingly accept endearing compliments, but what do they mean? After all the crude significance I draw to the attention shone on me, the compliments seem to fall a step steep, or short of the truth.