What is is? think i kow.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by lost_child, Feb 4, 2009.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    This is so embrassing to ask and say but i just need someone else's views.

    I live with a housemate, we have lived together for 2 1/2 years and last year brought a place together ~ so now you think so you have real time support....you'd think, but no.

    She commented the over the day that over the last 3 years she's noticed that I'm more scared of things, that i'm more jumpy then ever, that I jump at the slighest noise....I never used to be quite as bad as I am now.

    I'm not even saying this right, just going around the blocks as usual....sorry.

    Over the last 2 1/2 years she has hit me, not everyday not even every week or month, so nothing major, but constently she puts me down, she calls me a freak, she will critcise everything i do, will tell me I'm doing it wrong, she calls me pathetic, stupid, a nut case, she will have a go at me for no reason, she has a go if I don't clean the house, or her top that she wanted to wear hasn't been ironed, she will complain if I've not cooked dinner for her as soon as she walks in, she won't pay anything towards the debt that both of us have.

    She tells me I have no control over anything I do and is probably right, and should give up. Every night before she gets in from work I panic, I'm scared of how she will be, will she have a go at me, will she critcise this, what will she find to pick on...I don't ever feel safe in my own house.

    Don't get me wrong its not a daily thing, but I never know from one day to the next how or what she will do. She tells me that I'm useless at everything, what ever I do is never good enough. She makes nasty comments such as being raped isn't as bad for people as being dumped (her partner dumped her 4 years ago and she hasn't moved on or let go), she told me, knowing about my past, that a peadophile isn't to blame as its in the nature.

    I'm so tired of living like this, living everyday not just in fear of what I can do to myself, but that she is pushing me to my limits, she is making me feel even more worthless then I already do.

    I know Its probably my own fault, and its embrassing that I don't deal with this, I've tried to speak to her and all she done was turn it around and say that my thinking isn't normal and that my family have fucked me up...she always turns it around...i'm lucky if I don't get a slap around the head, oh but if I don't say it hurt, she'll do it again to makre sure it does hurt.

    I don't know what to do, the only reason i'm posting on here is because nobody can see me, nobody knows what I look like, nobody can see how embrassed and ashamed that at 29, I'm letting a female do this and I don't have the energy to fight back...
     
  2. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    ok, well i could sugar coat this but i choose not to sooo

    i think its time you stick up for yourself, make a stand against this woman. if she wants her fav top ironed then she can do it herself, was it part of your agreement that you do her stuff for her ?
    she obviously thinks she is the dominant one, and so far you have shown her she is right, so now its time to prove her wrong.
    but first things first, you must seek professional guidance about the house and how, if you wanted to, you can get out of it.
    as for the debt, see if you can split it, speak to the lenders.
    household chores, do your bit but dont do it everyday as she has to do her part too, make sure she understands this is she bitches to you.

    maybe for a couple of times just be out for a half hour or so when she comes home, then if she asks about dinner just politely tell her that she can cook too.
     
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Heya, hun :hug:

    I agree with Andy's advice that it's time to stand up for yourself. He's also right that you could get some professional help about splitting the debt and getting out if you decide you want out.

    If she ever threatens you or actually hits you again, you could call the police. Where I live, what she is doing is a form of assault and/or domestic violence. Hun, you don't have to live with that. You deserve better!

    You could stay at a women's shelter if she's really going off. At the shelter, there's usually people who can help you find the right orgs and such to provide advice and support.

    Please take care of yourself. You deserve a better housemate! :hug:
     
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    It is so sad when we treat ourselves without the respect we deserve...done that so many times in the past...of course, you should demand the honor you deserve and not take any less! and if need be, find a housemate for your house mate and get out...set time limits and expectations... and by all means, NO MORE ABUSE...Best of luck, J
     
  5. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I've tried to fight her, to defend myself. I just don't know how to stop it. Its like this is all I'm worth in the world, why she does it to me at least she's not hurting anyone else. It feels like its all I'm worth.

    When I try to argue back, or make sure I'm not home when she gets in, even when I go away...she gets worse. I don't have anything left in my to fight. How stupid, weak would it look if I went to cab and told them, they would look at me and laugh, just like so many people do. I'm just not meant to be. sorry.
     
  6. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    no one will laugh at you, this is abuse and there are orgs out there to help you, but once she knows she cant bully you any more then it will stop, there will be no more fun in it for her
     
  7. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I wish i hgad the strentgh to fight her. sorry. I shoudln't have said anything. its all wrong, this life is wrong. be done with me once and for all
     
  8. MeAndYou

    MeAndYou Well-Known Member

    You need to stick up for yourself like said above. But i think you have to realize how much pain she must be feeling to cause such pain to you, her own roommate. With that in mind you cant "fight back" in the sense that, when she splashes you you splash her because youll both just continue to drown. But you DO have to lay down the fucking law. Those comments to you about you "not having any control over anything in your life". I believe that to be your roommates own way of finding something in her own life that SHE has control of, and right now thats you and at the expense of your emotions. And that needs to stop immediately. For yourself.

    Next time she becomes abusive, physically or emotionally, you have to step her aside look her in the eye and tell her how it makes you feel. Then you need to tell her that it wont continue anymore because you wont let it. That the next time it happens you will no longer associate with her or do anything for her period. (If this means fnidign a new roommate than i think you should). Obviously finances come into play and lease contracts, but if youre being abused it needs to end immediately. You need to let her know that she will no longer ever again have this power over you or your life.
     
  9. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Heya...I feel for you. It is difficult to deal with someone who is already making us feel intimidated in some way. However, the way she is behaving has nothing to do with how much you are worth, sweetie. You are worth a whole lot more and you deserve to be treated with respect!

    I like your idea of going to Cab. Perhaps you could gather your thoughts and get yourself as calm as you can and then go to Cab to say what's happening. You've nothing to lose, only something to gain if they offer some help. :hug:
     
  10. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    you are stronger than you think hun, you have raised the question so your thoughts were in the right direction.
    and i for one won't ' be done with you', you are worth more than this.
     
  11. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    :hug:
    you have to either
    1. lie down the law
    2. break up with her
    3. get into a cab and drive.

    that's really all that you can do.
    call the police if it gets out of hand
    it is abuse and the police wont find
    you pathetic for trying to put an end
    to it.

    get into a cab and just drive away for
    a little while. get soem cash and a bag
    and stay in a nice hotel or something,
    get your mind off of things.

    you are not weak for saying these things here, you're not going to be judged. no one should be treated like this hun. please realize that.

    :hug: praying for you dear.
     
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