I am reducing my meds, because I want to change them. They work very well for stopping my depression but I don't like their side effects. It's a real pain, that is. Anyway, I forget the way I feel constantly in my unmedicated state. I just feel normal on my antidepressants. I fell asleep this afternoon and when I awoke WHOOSH this feeling of absolute sorrow was upon me, before I knew I was awake a thousand miserable things were on my mind, and this awful, defeated, broken hearted feeling that was my norm for so long, until medication made me realise how wrong my chemicals are. I know some of you must understand this, it's on waking that I feel most depressed, and I think that's pretty normal. But the sorrow is unreal. I feel sick with dread and hopelessness, I feel intense guilt for all I have done, or not done, and I get stricken by grief for people who are gone, every time I wake up when I'm not on meds. I need to be medicated obviously, but in order to switch I need to come off what I'm on. The transit just seems really daunting. The morning depression kills me, it really does.