Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by The Depressed Puppy, Nov 14, 2014.
What did it feel like? How did others react? How did they know?
The one time that I remember most was when I awoke to find my gf Abigail dead in my arms having od'd after I fell asleep. She left a note saying sorry but she needed to be with me when she did it & hoped I would understand & not hate her. I immediately od'd too and lay beside her limp body hugging her as I waited to die; obviously I failed or I would not be typing this now. I lost consciousness to wake in hospital. Our mutual friend Kurt had come into our room inviting us both out for the day & found us both. Apparently he tried to revive both of us & found Abigail to be dead, but he found I was still alive & thus called an ambulance
When I awoke Kurt was at my bedside. He sensitively told me about Abigail. I told him I already knew & that was why I attempted.
On awakening & thus having failed I felt cheated. I wanted to be with Abigail; I still do
I have attempted a few times so different feelings each time I guess, once I woke feeling SO bad that I was still alive, another time I was grateful because now I may get the help I need, another time I felt so bad for putting my family through what I did. As for the most serious attempt where I ended up in a coma, I don't remember being in ICU, I don't remember anything for about 5 days after coming out of the coma due to what I took making me hallucinate crazily so I did not really have any feelings. I am happy to say now though, I am not suicidal. I am not depressed, I beat this and now I encourage others to see the light too It's not worth it at all, especially the physical damage you can do to your body. I do believe I have recovered from depression, however I am still on anti depressants but they are for the anxiety uses.
Oh sorry, how did others react? They were actually very good about it, when I was well enough they took me to the beach 'cos I never go anywhere far really, that was nice to see the ocean They I think may have been mad at my attempts but kept it to themselves. The ICU OD was an eye opener, I was at deaths door. I am SO GLAD I lived to tell the tale! As for how did they know, I was in a coma in bed, obviously ambulance was called then and I was tubed, got a brain scan then sent to ICU. NEVER EVER AGAIN. I AM GOING TO DEDICATE MY LIFE TO HELPING OTHERS WHO FEEL SO BAD THAT THEY THINK SUICIDE IS THE ONLY WAY OUT. IT IS NOT.
Hope that answers your questions
Hey there Twocky, I just approved your post. Oh my.....that is awful, dreadful!! Honestly I am lost for words, I never knew that, I am so sorry (sorry but cannot find any better suitable words) that is horrendous!! Looks like you have recovered from that though, or maybe not? I cannot even begin to imagine what that must have been like,so I am just going to offer my deepest condolences and sympathies...we're always here for you, you are lucky you got through this, very luck and I am so glad you did.
Much caring, Petal xxx
:thank_you: Petal & for approving my post
We all have a lot to learn from you Petal. After all you have suffered you have come out of the long tunnel & though not fully recovered yourself you are supporting other people in similar situations as youself. I feel, as I am sure you do, supporting others supports yourself too in that it takes your mind away from your own problems as you concentrate on theirs to support them.
:freehug: for a very special person ----- you Petal :hug: :hug: :hug:
Why do do-gooders feel that they HAVE to interfere?
The one thing, the only thing, stopping me is the fear of being found, resuscitated and ending up a cabbage.
I think you're talking about surviving a suicide attempt?
I guess it depends on if I'm found or not. After my first attempt I called 911 on myself because a friend told me to. My entire family visited me in hospital, in ICU, while I was recovering from it. I don't remember much but it was not pleasant. Afterwards everyone was mad at me. Everyone in my life was angry. I imagine they were feeling a lot of things, like they were probably terrified, but all I really experienced in our interactions was the anger.
Attempts are really hard on people in your life. You can probably count on people keeping their distance for a while once they know you're OK. Even me going to the hospital has stressed people out and caused a rift in friendships.
It's a really brutal experience that I would not recommend. I've never felt so abandoned and alone in my life. I imagine my friends and family were feeling the same thing, with what I almost did.
You make a good point ToughItOut. Finding & resucitating you the 'do-gooder' could very well make things much worse. I honestly believe ending up 'cabbaged' afer a failed attempt is far worse than actually dying. On yourself especially what with the draconian euthanasia laws & also on you relatives who have to care for you & wipe your bottom & everything else you can no longer do for yourself.
I think that "do-gooders" are probably just doing what they need to do to live with themselves. I really can't imagine the pain of just letting someone die. I would definitely call an ambulance if I knew someone had attempted or if I found someone. A lot of people want intervention too, and are just too far gone to ask for help so they purposefully attempt in a place where they could be caught. It's possible to plan ahead so that you're not found in time. Many people don't think that far ahead. Many people who attempt suicide don't fully want to die.
I am sorry that you don't agree with ''do-gooders'', please try and be a bit more sensitive towards others feelings because the people here are great, couldn't meet nicer and all they want to do is help. Of course no one wants to be found and end up with brain damage etc.. but this site is PRO LIFE so here we encourage people not to take their own lives through talking, though sharing experiences and through making friends here who are in the same sad predicament.
However, I can understand what you are saying but the main point we're making here is we try to get a person not to attempt suicide......calling them do gooders in that way is not very nice and a tad bit offensive, we have had some suicides on this site last year and early this year and most likely others we don't know about, we do our best to try and not let that happen again, that is all we can do.
Also, if you are in need of someone to talk to, you're welcome to talk here about whatever situation is making you feel suicidal. I am very sorry you're feeling so bad, you're not alone
Twocky- thank you so much! That really does mean a lot to me, I will say it has been VERY hard, lots of struggles, arguments but somehow I managed to slip out of the depression by working hard psychologically with therapists and doctors, I won't give them all the credit because I believe you have to want to get better and I wanted to so bad, it took effort from me too, so I'll give them half the credit, that is only fair lol!!
I hope you can also get to where I am (on the depression part), if I can do it, you can too! Much love and give claire a hug from me, she's lucky to have you.
I wasn't referring to anyone on here, I'm talking about people out there who find you and get the medics involved.
I wonder what effect a "please do not attempt to resuscitate me" sign would have?
I think personally it's not about do Golding etc, people want to help in the same way if you saw someone faint in the street or get hit by a car would you not want to phone an ambulance get them help, do what you can to support you while you are suffering.
Surviving a suciide attempt my own thoughts, it's scary you feel alone isolated you don't really know I what to do with yourself to be honest trapped almost, what happened didn't work now you're scare of failing scared of living scared of everything really. Like I say just how I felt, I would add there is parts if me so glad I surivided life is hard yes, but I havechad experiences good bad of course that I wouldn't of had if I had succeeded, so now I'm doing my best to stick around because I'm sure there is more, I hope so at least
Oh, no worries at all -yes a misunderstanding. We here do not call emergency services, it's not something we do at all, we'll only encourage people to get help if they have hurt themselves or attempted. We basically just a peer to peer group but I get what you're saying, you're talking everyone in general.
No need to be sorry, just a misunderstanding!
Hey petal I just need somebody who could listen to me and help me out. Can we be friends?
It felt like total and utter crap to survive it. I wasn't happy to have survived for starters and I picked a way that is really likely to kill you. You just want to find peace and instead it's more trauma to you and those around you. It was the most humiliating experience ever, surreal actually. I am a really shy and reserved guy to begin with so I was totally not okay with people even knowing I had mental issues. Basically ever since then I've been stuck in this limbo of not wanting to live but after seeing what it does to your family, you really feel awful and you keep going for them. I always thought to myself if I was going to do it I would really do it so when I attempted it it was a really lethal way so it really upset people. I'm still really ashamed over it, it was only a few years back but I don't think I will ever fully get over it. I don't regularly see my extended family since then. Maybe once a year. My mother is the type to tell everyone her business, I think it is how she deals with it. Most people were really kind to me and supportive afterwards and they continue to be. Many who knew my family history were understanding as mental illness runs strongly in my mother's side of the family. Some people just didn't talk to me at first or pretended it didn't happen. A few people expressed anger at me later on down the road, when I was more stable. Most kept it to themselves I suspect if they were angry. Word spreads pretty fast is all I can say. I think my father kept it under wraps the best but basically your family has to tell a certain amount of people and then they tell people and you kind of forfeit your privacy when you attempt suicide at least in my case I did. It's pretty much they worst thing I ever did.
I like how you summed up my entire paragraph in 2 words.