What is keeping you here?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sooty101, Dec 9, 2011.

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  1. Sooty101

    Sooty101 New Member

    This may have been posted before, so forgive me if it has.

    I can see that there are many people on this forum who, like myself, seem quite desperate to end their suffering and leave this world. I can see that people struggle with many issues around this, including method, timing, motivation, family and religion. I was just wondering, because it is a question I ask myself all the time - what is stopping you? (Please don't read this as an attempt in any way to encourage anyone to kill themselves).

    I've been depressed and suicidal for nearly 40 years. I would not feel particularly guilty about killing myself, and I do not hold the opinion that suicide is selfish. I have no children or other dependents. Both of my parents have now died. I have just one sister who doesn't really like me.

    I know for myself that I'm scared of failing and being in some way brain damaged or injured and unable to try again. I know that I don't have the exact things I need to complete the task, and these are difficult to obtain. I think this might be the main thing stopping me. However, I have another possible method in mind. I know that I'd like all my affairs in order, but I don't have the motivation to do that. I know that I have a tiny bit of my will to live left, that I wish would GO AWAY.
    I must admit to envying people who don't have any reluctance.

    What's it like for you?
  2. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    My mother and my husband are keeping me here. Nothing else really stands in my way.
  3. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Sooty i am glad you cannot get it together well enfu to do the deed.. hope some things can better soon and give you more reason to keep it going.. you take care, JIm

    my holy reason that i keep going is my 35 yr old autistic son JOhnny.. he needs help and i am very glad to give it to him
  4. Sais

    Sais Well-Known Member

    My family, my writing, the promise I made to a friend, and... this thing called earth, I have grown quite fond of it, not the people, just.. nature. In a way I love Earth very much. Sometimes I'm terrified I could ever leave it.
  5. Roo

    Roo Account Closed

    Mostly my parents and my girlfriend. Having had my best friend commit suicide 2 years ago, I know first hand how devastating it is to loved ones and don't want that to happen to them.
  6. black orchid

    black orchid Well-Known Member

    Wayne, my brothers, my mum and my dog. Mainly Wayne though lol
  7. xxLostHopexx

    xxLostHopexx Member

    The only thing keeping me here now is my fear that what I try will fail somehow
  8. Cowburn

    Cowburn Well-Known Member

    There's nothing anymore, I can do the deed with no regret.
  9. jwill226

    jwill226 Member

    I ask myself the same question. There is a small part of me that says "what if". What if things get better tomorrow? Next week? Its December there is a new year starting soon maybe 2012 will be my year. But sadly these arbitrary dates mean nothing in the end. Things don't change. I have an adopted grandmother 85 years old and I'm waiting for her to pass. My adopted parents are abusive scum so I could care less about them but my grandmother has always been sweet to me. She is the only one that I care about affecting. Once she goes there will be nothing left holding me here.

    But I must admit that at times like now I don't think I can hold off much longer. I have everything planned and could be started with my plans in as much time as it would take to put on my shoes and walk out the door. Its hard not to go threw with it sometimes.

    I used to get upset and cry at the idea of doing it but not any more. It gives me peace to know the end is coming.
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    My family and my boyfriend. Mainly my niece, mum and boyfriend though, I love them so much.

    IZ2INSANE Well-Known Member

    my wife
  12. Nobody00

    Nobody00 Active Member

    My mom. I know she couldnt take it if that happent. i just cant do that to her.
  13. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    Nothing and Nobody keeps me here just me being a coward,otherwise I'd be long gone
  14. EndOfMyRope

    EndOfMyRope New Member

    For me it's my 9 week old daughter and my husband. If I ended it as I am contemplating, I'm not sure that he could take care of her on his own because it would destroy him too much. I know I am lucky to have a lot of people in my life that love and care about me, but a lot of them just make it more difficult for me so those are the two that I am living for... for now.
  15. sihuskyzoi

    sihuskyzoi Well-Known Member

    Fear of messing up and living.
  16. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    For me, it's all about the timing. It can't be too close to holidays or birthdays, so the anniversary doesn't ruin anything. I also really want to finish my degree, and only have about six months left, but they're going to be the hardest six months ever, since my counsellor is leaving and my home life is going to get complicated and stressful in January. I'm just hoping the need to finish my degree is enough.
  17. setekh

    setekh Member

    I'm with Mark101. Nothing keeps me here - I have no friends or family, not a single person on earth would be affected by my death - but a small, lingering irrational fear of death has prevented me from doing it for many years. I wish I could lose that fear. Anyone have any suggestions on how to do that? Please don't take this as an invitation to post the same old platitudes about the importance of living and so on - I find such things incredibly annoying and unhelpful.
  18. maries

    maries Active Member

    mainly, fear of failing and having to face the people i was planning on leaving behind afterwards and what they would think of me. worrying about who's gonna find my body. making a mistake on thinking someone who really does care, doesn't and making them live with the fact that i'm dead
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