I've always been lonely. I'll always be lonely. Last year, reaching the age of 34 and still not knowing what it's like to be in a truly mutually loving relationship, was so awful. Now I'm 35 and, if anything, it's worse. I see couples all around me. Many people my age experienced relationships so young they now have teenaged kids.
I don't have friends, either. I am honestly so confused by what "friendship" even means or feels like.
I did have one "relationship", but it's not the same anymore. I don't think we're even really friends. It's so cruel. It's like I was given a partial glimpse so I could see and feel how wonderful a relationship could be, then it was taken away. Now not only am I still alone, but now I also know what I'm missing.
I don't even want to try anymore. Literally decades of trying has done nothing but crushed me with disappointment over and over and over.
People only want me for what I can do for them, then they toss me asside again. And why shouldn't they? All of them have friends, families, and loving relationships. They don't need or want me.
What is the point of living without relationships or love? I sob alone in my bed several times a week. I have a new doctor and new medications and a new counselor, but how are any of those going to help when all of my problems stem from the crushing loneliness? No amount of pills or counseling can fix it.
I don't want to live in loneliness anymore. But I can't get out. I feel trapped and I want to die.
I don't have friends, either. I am honestly so confused by what "friendship" even means or feels like.
I did have one "relationship", but it's not the same anymore. I don't think we're even really friends. It's so cruel. It's like I was given a partial glimpse so I could see and feel how wonderful a relationship could be, then it was taken away. Now not only am I still alone, but now I also know what I'm missing.
I don't even want to try anymore. Literally decades of trying has done nothing but crushed me with disappointment over and over and over.
People only want me for what I can do for them, then they toss me asside again. And why shouldn't they? All of them have friends, families, and loving relationships. They don't need or want me.
What is the point of living without relationships or love? I sob alone in my bed several times a week. I have a new doctor and new medications and a new counselor, but how are any of those going to help when all of my problems stem from the crushing loneliness? No amount of pills or counseling can fix it.
I don't want to live in loneliness anymore. But I can't get out. I feel trapped and I want to die.