I should be happy, I'm 32 have 2 wonderful children, a good job and lots of apparent friends. Yet recently I have been feeling more and more unhappy about myself. I am currently prescribed a fairly high dosage of opiate based pain killers and every day I am getting a strong urge to swallow the lot! To the point where I have had them in my hand and am ready to swallow. At night I go to sleep 90% of the time in tears for no reason at all? I know I don't fall into the normal stereotype for someone thinking this but I just need to get it out in the open hoping it will help ease this unknown pain I am feeling. I have experienced what suicide can do to families first hand but I'm starting to envy the people who do it? Why is this happening to me? I consider myself a well rounded individual but can't escape the dark thoughts I suffer from daily. Is it only a matter of time before I go through the motions and put an end to it all? I know there will be a lot of people thinking I'm being a dick for even posting here and wasting everyone's time, but these feelings are real and they are beginning to scare me.