What is reality supposed to feel like?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Eu Plon Ka, Jul 9, 2007.

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  1. Eu Plon Ka

    Eu Plon Ka Member

    Just registered tonight, so please bear with me :p

    In all honesty the title describes what I would like to know, but at least a little explanation is in order.

    I am probably an overly rational person. Maybe rational is not the right word, but I over think things usually to my own demise.

    Well tonight I realized something about myself that I had not thought of before. I have been playing video games (all my life I now realize) pretty seriously for the past few years. I began drinking much later than most people, and got into it so much that my roommate at the time still remembers me as a drinking fiend.

    Those have been 2 of my major escapes, but what I thought I was using them for was to be happy. What I realized about myself was that I was not happy when escaping, I was just numb. I was really just trying to not participate or feel reality.

    So I was making dinner (a time that I have to participate in reality) and realized I was not enjoying myself. I was only making dinner because to eat was going to feel better than being hungry. I have not been enjoying any of my bouts with reality and that is why I seek to escape from everything whenever possible.

    So it all comes back to my question. Is it me that feels like reality is just ... well ... disappointing.

    To me reality is just disappointment after disappointment. Things that I would like just always seem out of reach (mostly my own fault :sad:). I hate waking up in the morning, always feeling tired, even after sleeping for hours more than the average. Once in a while I get the drive to do something constructive, but that never lasts more than a day.

    Well that is all I can think of writing at this time. /shrug
  2. LostMyMind

    LostMyMind Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF.
    Yes, reality is rather disappointing. I think sin is one of the better things in life.
  3. Xalcro

    Xalcro Well-Known Member

    Reality is everything. Every sigh, every tear, ever smile and laugh, is reality. Video games, alcohol, are a part of reality. You're not escaping reality by engaging in those things, just finding another level on the plane.

    It's impossible to say what reality consists of. One's sense of duty, responsibility. If you do what you're supposed to, you feel good. Reality is everything life throws at you, whether they're miracles or disasters. But life is worth living. When you accept reality, you beat life. Hard battle, but there.

    ... I think I just made that up on the spot. Whatever, I come up with all sorts of philosophical crap.
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