I;ve been drinking too much I know but it makes me feel better than the medication. I hate my psych, he is a pompous ass. I contemplated going to see him again and cutting my arm up so he can see. Being so full of alcohol I just want to do it so bad. I was thinking about that today, and I realize my problems with my wife show my complete lack of self-esteem and how much I hate myself and how I was when I was without a significant other. I knew that I was such a loser and I still am, but now I want to cut, why? I've learned so much reading and posting here, way more than any therapist could have determined. I hurt so much inside yet I can't express it, it's just a maelstrom of f--- up. I'm gonna cut anyway I just hope I don't decide to mess up an artery or a vein. Does a call to 911 ever help would that just complicate matters? Am I just an attention whore? God I hate myself.