I have no joy in being alive, no motivation, I find life pointless, I can't trust anyone, nothing makes me happy. There are those rare times I feel fine but it doesn't last. I am just feeling and thinking so many things that I can't put it in words, I just want it all to end, the thoughts and feelings. I was scared of suicide but recently I just don't care now. I feel like I could do it in a heartbeat, I told my fiance but he calls me selfish and says I don't really love him if I could leave him like that.. I do love him, I just can't help about the way I feel..he says he gives me everything I want, a good life, etc and that I shouldn't be feeling this way..but I do. I don't see what is wrong with killing myself, I didn't have a choice to be brought into this world, at least let me have the choice if I want to leave it.. it's my life, my choice..I want feelings, thoughts to just go away..I am at the point that I get depressed and angry because I wake up each day. Don't tell me to go to the hospital, get meds, talk to doctors, etc. Been there, done that, didn't change anything. Is it selfish of me? If this is the way I feel I can just end all the pain, shouldn't I have the right..?