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What is stopping me?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AsphyxiateOnWords, Nov 12, 2011.

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  1. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    Can someone just answer this for me? I have a way out and I have a way of making it happen. And I know that things would be better if I did it. So why can't I do it? It's not like I'm religious and I don't believe in hell. And I know it won't be painful to do it the way I want to do it. So why don't I? It seems like a great choice. Why am I not making it?
  2. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You ask the question so many do. Its a question i've asked myself as well.

    I think that even at our darkest hour, there is a part of us that wants to live, to get better and blossom. It may be a small part, yet it is there.

    Its what keeps us going when we feel overwhelmed.

    Can you tell us a bit about what is going on? About what has driven you to such sadness and pain?

    I assure you there are folks here who care and want to hear you and help.

  3. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    There is no way to help me...I've tried talking to many people before about my problems, and I always just end up more mad because they can't help me in the end.

    And whatever that small part is, I wish I could kill it. It's keeping me from being rid of my pain.
  4. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Angels, that small part is really your true self.

    its the depression and sadness that is pushing you in a negative direction I believe.

    Just saw you in chat, I know sometimes its hard to get used to chatting with strangers but give it another chance sometime.

    and keep posting

    we care

  5. Lost_Daughter

    Lost_Daughter Well-Known Member

    I agree with texaskitty. Deep down, beneath all the depression, you don't want to give up and want to get better. It is a struggle and may involve doing things you don't want to, like trying different meds or more therapy, but In the end it will make u a better and stronger person. Don't give up the fight because we know, and u know deep inside, that u are worth it:)
  6. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I think with a lot of people they really don't want to die but they just want the pain to stop. Depression can make us think negatively and has the ability to turn every positive into a negative. Keep reaching out here and dont be afraid to tell your doctors this then that way they can help you properly.
  7. Yiouka

    Yiouka Active Member

    I agree with butterfly, maybe you really don't want to die.. You just want all the problems and pain to go away.. But somewhere you know the only thing you want is living a "normal" life without the pain.
  8. dxn

    dxn New Member

    Hi Angels.
    I'm new to this forum so bare with me.
    I'm one of the lucky ones that don't suffer from depression, but I find it difficult to do nothing while people out there are suffering like this. I am ignorant when it comes to this subject but I want to help as much as I can.

    What is going on in your life that is making you feel this way? But no matter the reason, things will definitely not be better if you end it. The pain is hard but, if you go, you're spreading this pain onto others in an even worse degree.
    I agree with the what butterfly said that depression can turn any positive into a negative. But you only have control of one thing in life and that's you. You have to force yourself to think positively even when you think it's not possible because it definitely is. I know I am making it sound easy but I understand it is hard.
  9. curtn34

    curtn34 Active Member

    If you have any doubt about what you are doing whatsoever, grab onto it and run with it. Cause deep down when we are suffering from these feelings it isn't because we want to die, it's because we want to live. I am suffering from these feelings right now and the onlt thing that is keeping me alive is that there is no sure way. If you have even a glimmer of hope left you need to grab it by the balls and not ever let go. Cause with hope you know that things can and will get better. And that's worth a lot to have.
  10. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    Guys, I can't do this. I'm in too much pain. I have to start doing what I know is right.

    Thanks for support.
  11. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    Hi Strange,

    I am just wondering if you are having professional support at this point, seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist? I know it took me a long time to do so (and a bit of help as well). If not, that is really the right thing to do for yourself at the moment. Because depression can be so overwhelming that we just cant see our way out of it without therapy. I sincerely hope you'll reach out.
  12. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    Isabel, I've been in therapy for 4 years. As you can see, it hasn't done me any good.

    I have to order the supplies I need, which unfortunately takes a few weeks so I won't be dying today. If I try today with something else, I'll probably fail and I don't want to risk that. But, there's just no other way, so I have to do this.
  13. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    You feel that way because you don't want to die, you just want to end the pain.

    I'm pretty much against therapy… mostly because I don't think that too many therapists know what they're doing. They think they know what they're doing, but with anything that has to do with people there's always going to be something that's impossible to predict…

    I have no idea what you're going through or what you've been through… but doing this isn't going to help anyone or anything and really, it's just going to be a big waste.

    Maybe it's not my place to say, but whenever I'm in that state in the back of my mind I always sort of know that part of the problem is the fact that I'm so determined to make myself believe that there's nothing I can do, that I'm powerless, that I can't change how I feel… and there are some things that you can't change, but you can always change your thoughts and feelings… sometimes it's just a matter of fighting things off in your head, or focusing on a happy memory, or doing whatever you can to clear your head…

    Sometimes you can't rely on other people to give you the answers or make you better--you have to do it yourself-- and suicide is just giving up without even really trying. Focus on the way you WANT to feel, and then try to get to that point in your head… I'm sure that everyone here would be willing to listen or do whatever they can to help you out!
  14. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    True. However, ending the pain means dying because there's no other way. So what's the difference?

    It won't help other people, but it will help me. And, personally, I think it's about time to do something kind for myself.

    Well, sorry but there's nothing like that in the back of my mind. And whether I can or cannot change my feelings at this point doesn't matter, because they've already overtaken me.
    I've tried plenty. More than you or anyone else knows.
  15. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Maybe you don't actually match with this therapist - there are many therapists and maybe its time for you to find a new therapist.
  16. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    She's my fifth therapist.
  17. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    OK - may i ask why you changed therapists so many times?
  18. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    It's not obvious? Because they all sucked...
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