I don't really know how to say this but I really need to. Everyday I wake up and hate my very existance, I often wonder if anyone would notice if I was gone and miss me if they did? All my friends say that they would miss me, but none of them seem bothered in talking to me. They all say they would help me when I feel down, but it always seems to be when someone else is upset and I just get shoved to the background. I always help them if they need advice, I am apperently a good counciller, but they never want to help me. So please tell me why I bother? Also, I often feel as though I cannot go on living this life which is full of dissapointment and pain. I often try to do something to hurt or kill myself but I fortunatly (or unfortunatly depending on your view point) have been unsuccesful so far. I just need somewhere where I can say these things without judgement. I hate every living moment in my life and wish it too end. I dont have the courage to kill myself, though some say its cowardice to do that, and live on distancing myself from everyone or blaming them. I don't even know if I do want to kill myself, but i often feel as though it would be better for everyone if I did. Thanks for letting me rant incoherently.