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what is the point

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everyone says itll get better... that its just a phase... or an urge.. to sleep it out.. i try to .. and i do... but what i wake too.. i wake to nothing.. the feeling of lonliness... the pain of unsure... everytime i try to move on its like something pushes me back to the same place... it all started with my ex.. but i thought i was doing the right thing moving on.. i wasnt.. i was just sleeping with every guy to feel loved for a little bit.. but there was no love.... and then i tried to stop but guys.. they just thats all they did.. when i took some serious i trusted them.. theyd fuck me and never say a word to me again.. i feel used... i started to leave marks on my wrist.. i wasnt tryin to i just picked soemthin up next thing i know theres the marks... beautiful im alive marks... then the thoughts came... and im fine during the day... you could evens say i seem normal.. but at night... they come on strong.. and i dont know which way to go.. its like a battle inside of me... one side says no the other side says yes..... i know it doesnt make sense.. nothing in mylife seems to make sense anymore.. its all falling apart... and im left broken and alone....
hey there are welcome to sf

you might want to check out this thread

I think that it is pretty common that people will try to fill emotional needs with casual sex. I'm sorry that you feel so used. I'm sure that some of those guys are just dumb selfish jerks. Maybe others can't deal with being close to anyone.

I hope that you will be able to find someone to love again, someone who is good to you and loves you back.

I think that you can find that, but I think that it is important to get to a place where you don't need to be in a relationship to feel ok, but rather just want to be in a relationship.

I guess therapy and meds is the stock answer. are you doing those now?

do you want to talk more about your ex?
No im not doing then
no therapy and no medicine
i dont wanna go get judged by some person
and i dont wanna have to go to the hospital or anything and my parents have to accept that they gave birth tol another fuck up

and talk about him.... i dont even know waht to say about him.. I FUCKING HATE HIM AND YET I LOVE HIM! i try to push him away and then he comes back all friendly i miss you how are you... my heart beats when i know its him but i try to ignore it.. i try to ignore the memories when he really loved me i try to pretend its all a dream

love isnt fair.. and sex isnt either... like with james i like him alot i really do but im not sure if he likes me or if if he just sees me as someone easy.... i wanna be with him give us a chance but idk if theres point to it.. when i think maybe to him im just sex... like every other guy. just sex.. :(
I have considered sleeping around with women to feel loved. After reading how you felt afterwords this is likely not a good idea.

I'd like to help you out though.
Feel free to message me anytime.
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