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what is the problem?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by mortdesinos, Nov 10, 2009.

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  1. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    I recently reconnected with a girl I knew in high school who had been traveling around the country for a few years. We met up a couple of times, with other people, but she just seems to want to use me as a vent and she wants to know if I have "hot friends." She's teased me about being with her, but she told me she doesn't want to hang out with anyone right now because she's depressed and doesn't even want to leave her house.. yet she sent me a text saying that she was outside taking a walk and then out with a friend for a short time.

    Then I was speaking with another girl last night. I told her I had been feeling invisible, and I asked her if I was just depressed or if I was crazy and something was really wrong with me. She didn't say anything for a while, so I said that I assumed she thought there was something wrong with me. Then she told me that's the case with a lot of people. Oh, but she says she still wants to hang out.

    I don't think anyone wants to spend time with me except people who are lonely and have extremely low self esteem. And maybe that's a bitter statement. But I'm just trying to tell it like it is.

    Maybe I don't have anything going for me right now. Maybe I have to reclaim a procured interest in things before I think about friends. Maybe the problem is that I'm thinking too much, but that just seems like a cop out. All I want to know is what makes me feel so distant from the world.
  2. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    Hey mort
    This doesn't sound like your fault at all. If she was leading you on at all and knew about it, that really wasn't kind of her. She might have done it to keep you close though, so she didn't feel as alone. That doesn't make it right, but you're looking for some sort of answer I believe?

    There's the chance also that you are thinking too much on it. But if she uses you to vent and then doesn't want to know until she needs to vent again, then she's not worth your time. You'd feel distant if she's doing this to you since you think a lot of her, and she's not feeling the same way. Since she'd most likely be what you think about most, and she's not feeling the same way about you, you'd feel less connected to the world. Try and think about what keeps you connected rather than what does not.
  3. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    Thanks, RedIce,

    I told her that I wouldn't let her just use me, and she said then I shouldn't be her friend (despite knowing her for so long) so it was as simple as that. I hadn't thought about her a lot, I just wanted to help her out because I want to be helpful to people. You're right, I need to connect with the people and the world in the ways that I fit in. I just don't know where I fit in, except for here, and that's an issue for me.
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Then what you need to try and do is find out what it is about the people that you connect here with is. When you can "see" what it is about certain members here that make you feel comfortable with them, makes you feel like you have a connection, then you need to take that into RL. Maybe a member here has the same sense of humor as you do. Maybe another has the same ethic that makes them reach out to others when they can. Dont know if this is making any sense. Use what you find interesting about members here as a guide to look for connections outside of the internet. I think we let ourselves become "comfortable" with the groups of people we see in RL. It is much easier than trying to find new friends. Even if those friends arent really any good for us. We'd rather be hurt by them than to make the effort to find people that gueniunely like us for us.
  5. sucidalgirl99

    sucidalgirl99 Well-Known Member

    Just try talking to her but to me, it sounds like she's not a real friend.
  6. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    I don't think so.

    I think so.
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