What is there to live for?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by nextshipoff, Dec 18, 2012.

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  1. nextshipoff

    nextshipoff New Member

    Within the next year two of my closest friends will be dead. One from lung cancer the other from pancreatic cancer. These are two individuals I knew I could always rely upon.

    I could take the death of one or the other but at the same time, not with everything else going on in my life.

    My business was strong and viable until I took on the wrong customer. Now I'm in a legal battle where he can't defend so he's breaking me financially. Correction, he's already broken me I can't buy a pack of Ramens most days.

    Then the last piece of glue that I had in my life that I thought I could depend on was released from prison. Apparently, there's been a massive change of heart after waiting 10 years.

    So here I sit. I have a family but they only love me when I'm spending money on them, I have none. I had friends, but they vanished when my money did. My two best friends needs me more than I never needed them and I can't even get to see them. And the love of my life, whom I patiently waited 10 years for apparently doesn't love me any more.

    So with everything gone... WTF is the purpose in living? I can't get out of bed most days, I can't function, this is hell and I just don't see any other way out of it.
  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I don't know, maybe it is time for you to start a new identity. Once your friends have passed. Just vanish to another town and start over?
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun you need to start taking care of YOU ok the family they can take care of themselves hun. You are important ok so treat yourself hun with compassion and care I am sorry you are loosing your friends dam cancer it is getting everyone it seems Please hun you can make friends here talk to us but set boundaries for the people who use you hun YOU are to come first ok don't let people use you hun don't hugs
  4. yep

    yep Well-Known Member

    A lot is going on for you and many people who are very important in your life seems to be disappearing or are unable to support you at the present time. Don't kill yourself when things are difficult as when things are difficult, people don't think clearly and you don't want to do something as a result of feeling bad which is more like an impulse. Decisions like killing yourself, will affect you and many others for ever so it is not like you can change your mind. You are not alone. I am as real as many people here who are willing to support you during this crisis.
  5. nextshipoff

    nextshipoff New Member

    I really hate when people talk about "all of those left behind." The truth is for me, there is no one. They're either being taken from me or left on their own.
  6. YOU are enough to live for. I've spent the last 2 weeks feeling like you do, and I don't know why, but I woke up today feeling peaceful and A-Ok.
    And then it hit me why I'm feeling so much better: I remembered that we are all one. Everyone is here for a reason. I'm still trying to figure out what it is exactly I'm here for, and that's enough to make me want to live another day.

    I've lost everything. No job, no home of my own, almost no possessions, facing the humiliation of everyone I know seeing me as mentally ill, no friends, nobody I can trust. But I'm enough.

    I tried to commit suicide a couple months ago, and today for the first time since then I'm glad it didn't work.

    I'm into some pretty new agey stuff, family doesn't support it. But I'm too old to change who I am for anyone.

    Please know you are enough.

    I know that when I've felt bad, lonely, lost, that nothing anyone said to me made me feel better. It all sounded so trite and cliche. But I believe waiting one more day can make all the difference. Nothing special is happening today. Same ol stuff - nothing to do, alone in my sisters house (with her little dog), no money, no job, nothing to look forward to. But I feel OK, and that's enough.

    You know what? I just thought of a reason maybe why I feel better today: I haven't watched TV since day before yesterday.
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