What Is There To Lose? (About Change not Suicide)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Forgotten_Man, Feb 8, 2011.

  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Sorry I just felt like this was more of a rant than anything.

    On another forum I am on. I am constantly seeing people whine about failure. Mostly romantic failure, but there is social failure as well. So many people tell me how they go out and make idiots of themselves or get rejected. Yet they refuse to try something new or different. They refuse to learn from the mistakes of their past. Even when the change could make these failures go away.

    For instance I spoke to one guy. He said he always gets put in the friend zone. When I asked him why he was always put in that zone he did not respond. I asked him if he ever thought about figuring out why that always happens and make some changes? What did he say "I like who I am". Do you really like yourself? If you really liked yourself you would do what is needed to make yourself happy.

    When I asked everyone, on that forum, what they had to lose. They listed out very trivial things. Such as a little self-esteem or self-respect. When I pointed out that a change could get them so much more no one responded. Why do so many people refuse to give up something?

    I don't know maybe I feel this way because I am in the process of trying to give up my anime addiction. I am going to keep watching anime and maintaining my website. However, I am probably going to box up my figures and stuff until I can have a secret display room. I understand that it is hard. My collection is not cheap. My collection defines who I am. However, I decided that having sex is more important. However, right now my anime persona is my life. Anime should just be a part of who I am. No one likes to see obsession. Obsession of any kind is a turn off.

    It just pisses me off. I know how hard the things I say are to do... however... just by making a few small changes I am already MUCH happier. Another thing that is pissing me off. All these people tell me they want to have a meaningful relationship? How can you know what meaning is if you do not have a few worthless ones? A relationship is not a plant. You cannot say what has meaning and what does not. Just by looking at it. Who is to say that you will not find meaning in the relationship? In the end I think that most people fear change for one reason.

    Saying this makes me ill because my dad said it to me years ago, "What are you afraid you might like it?" Seriously, are these people scared that they might enjoy it? Giving up one small thing and finding a new happiness? I hate it.... I really do... so many people... they just sabatog themselves... it makes me so sad. I know things are hard, especially when you are alone. However... if you cannot stand on your own. How do you expect others to stand with you?

    I see a lot of the same on this forum as well. I don't know, maybe I am blessed with annoyance at failure....
  2. lurktheshadows

    lurktheshadows Well-Known Member

    I know exactly what you mean, and I'm sorry to say that I'm one of those people that annoy you so much

    It's because we do sabotage ourselves, we get caught in these seemingly ceaseless cycles of negative thinking and self-loathing...and these feelings are incapacitating
    you need to understand that depression and other psychiatric issues can be literally debilitating
    It takes a long time, and a lot of self-love to make the first step towards change..because most of us feel we're unworthy
    a lot of us are very very sensitive here and have difficulty coping with rejection, some of us also have social anxiety issues . . . these are not minor problems we can easily solve, it takes a lot of support and time
    and I know it's tragic and aggravating after a while
    a lot of patience must be employed to help other's when you see them shooting themselves in the foot so many times

    but eventually we WILL change, we will have to...suicidal thoughts are a manifestation of a severe and dire need for change...but we can live differently, and love differently and seek joy...
    we just need some help sometimes

    anyway, sorry ..I ranted there...just wanted to say I totally know and understand what you're talking about
    and...I am one of those people you're talking about but I'm slowly improving myself, and slowly changing..and...hoping my efforts aren't in vain