What is wrong with me?

I um, I will only say that im young, and I dont tell this to anyone because they will tell me, "ou its just that your young, itll pass,or O you just do it for attention, and I well get disappointed because im trying to get help, not to get this type of answers.

Lately I've had many moments of desperation, because I just dont feel happy. I do good in school, im good at sports, get good grades and all but I just feel I dont feel happy with myself.

My parents have very high expectations of me and want me to be top of this top of that and I do it, either way they dont care at the end, but I feel I cant keep with it much longer. I often isolate myself from people, I dont have a friends(since my best childhood friend died when I was 6 ) and cant trust anyone but a girl i sometimes talk to, but I dont want to tell her how I really am because I fear she might go away.

I have tried suicide 3 times already and failed, I lately I dont see a point in staying here. I dont have a reason to get up from bed. Everything is just routine. I'm getting tired and dont know what to do.

I often ask myself who would notice if I died. And I get to the same answer, probably nobody.

 

The answer is wrong that is an answer only depression will throw at you. What you do is talk to your doctor and get your doctor to really listen and get you some help ok You said you have tried suicide before what help was put in place for you what meds are you on or therapy was given to you after release from hospital

 

Hey, it's your life- and you shouldn't let anyone force you into a path you don't want. Your parents probably want the best for you, but they don't realize that with how much they're pushing you, that they're actually hurting you.
You've got to communicate with the people in your life more, break out of your shell and tell your parents that you're running out of steam and that you can't handle so much pressure.
If you trust this girl, you should tell her how you feel. If you can't, it simply means you're lying to yourself and you don't actually trust her. Keeping things bottled up isn't healthy.
If this girl does end up leaving you for the reason that you're going through something tough, then it's honestly better that she's gone- don't cling to friendships with fake people who have bad morals.

You can tell yourself all you want that nobody will be affected by your death, but it will not change the reality of it. People will miss you, people will cry for you, and you will leave a permanent painful memory in at least a few people's hearts.

You're probably unhappy with your life mainly because you've yet to find a passion, a calling. If you die now, you'll never find that thing, you'll never have a shot at fulfillment or happiness.
You owe it to yourself to bear the pain till you can get to those happy days. I used to wish I was dead, every day, but lately I heavily regret those feelings and feel very fortunate that I never succeeded in killing myself.

I'm not sure quite how young you are, you could be 10, maybe 16 or so, but just let me tell you- the world isn't as boring and depressing as you might think. Your world isn't very big right now, but as you grow older, you'll experience more and you'll start to see many things in a different light, and you'll fall in love with things and people, and it'll just keep on expanding. There is so much to see in this world, and so much to appreciate, but at times we can forget about them when our eyes are clouded with depression.

I am sorry if I didn't offer the advice you needed, or wanted, but I still hope I managed to help you a bit. Stay strong buddy, hope you can find something to live for.

 

I see your point but I dont know if i can bear the time that I should wait. Smiling everyday just to make everyone think everything is fine sucks really bad in the inside you know?
And well I dont have a doctor and well asking for one would look way too suspicious and my parents will start doing stuff.

I just want to know what it felt being "ok" you know, but lately everything seems to be turning against me. I also contradict myself a lot, I want help, but I barely trust anyone. Im often finding a way out of reality with music or videogames and sso but when I come back, It feels like waking up to a nightmare.

 

Hey, do you have an adult to talk to about your feelings as it seems you have alot on your plate right now.

The school have counselors to talk to usually. Maybe make an appointment to see one?

Good Luck there, youre not just only another one. You are unique and do have your place in this life for a reason. Maybe you dont see it yet but there is always a reason why we are here. Figuring it out maybe will take you some time but its still alright to feel the way you do, its just being a human. Young or not we all go through it at various point in our lives.

 

This is just great, they steal my dog. Why?? There goes 1 of the three things that keeps me here. Is this some kind of punishment? I really dont care about that rainbow people talks to me about, why does this happens to me? Why now? Why cant something good happen?

Everything starts to feel colder, Im startimg to get really tired. I have no more hunger, I barely eat. I finally trust someone and he says "Ow you are just an attention *****" just fuck off. I dont want to even try to smile anymore. Something needs to happen soon.

I just cant stand it anymore

 

Don't tell yourself a lie like "you don't want happiness". You know deep down, that you long for it. You deserve happiness, and you want it- everyone wants happiness. People either want themselves to be happy, or to make other people happy.

About your dog, bad things happen. It's not in any of our control, but life is unpredictable and can really throw us tough times. Without bad things happening to us though, we'd never be able to truly understand what it means to be happy. Good and Bad cannot exist without each other. It's kinda like Yin and Yang, I guess- cheesy as it is, it's how life works.

You need to stop looking at only the bad things in your life. Don't turn a blind eye to what you love about living- I'm sure there are many things. It is so easy to forget about what we love when we're depressed.

Trusting people is almost always a gamble. You're going to get hurt sometimes, and it sucks. This is why a lot of people develop severe trust issues. There are people worth trusting though! and if you stop handing out trust all together, you will miss those golden opportunities. You can also learn to pick up hints of when someone isn't trustworthy, and you can prevent yourself from getting hurt as often.

People are frickin' idiots, pardon my language but the majority of humanity is toxic and uncaring. Don't let them ruin this world for you though. Don't take what people say to heart, unless they're people who are deserving of trust.

Good things come to those who wait patiently. Stay strong, don't let your psyche crumble. It'll all be worth it in the end, when you find the joy in living.

Also, get some food in your stomach! Don't fall into the whole depressive pattern where you feel bad and do things that make you feel even worse. Not eating will do nothing for you but make it harder for you to fight depression. Eat, now. Yes that is an order! But it's for your sake!

Anyways, hope you can cheer up soon.