Ok, so I just go about my daily life, more or less normal, and then out of nowhere my whole mind self-destructs. I started Sunday afternoon watching a film, it was a good film, i enjoyed it, then out of nowhere some dark recess of the back of my mind asks a question I keep trying to ignore, essentially variations on "Can I die yet", and it caught me off guard and rattled me and then my whole "im Ok" facade cracked and fell away and I spent the evening drinking and crying with some minor self harm, the thing is, this has happened before, about a year ago I did just about the same thing, and its these are only the times when i went off the deep end, many other times I have felt the facade cracking or that question nagging at the back of my mind and I have been able to shake it off or hold it together until the feeling passes, but my question is this: What the hell is wrong with me?
I don't appear to be depressed, I'm functional, I am a little isolated, but have no major stressors in my life, no great losses, I'm just living a normal, slightly underwhelming life and out of nowhere without any prior warning and with no apparent trigger I just fall apart. Does anyone have any idea what the hell is up with my mind? Because I'm still feeling the cracks from last night, but in a day or two I will feel more or less normal again, (with my usual self doubts, worries and existential crises).
I don't appear to be depressed, I'm functional, I am a little isolated, but have no major stressors in my life, no great losses, I'm just living a normal, slightly underwhelming life and out of nowhere without any prior warning and with no apparent trigger I just fall apart. Does anyone have any idea what the hell is up with my mind? Because I'm still feeling the cracks from last night, but in a day or two I will feel more or less normal again, (with my usual self doubts, worries and existential crises).