What Is Wrong With Me?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Relentless, Feb 1, 2009.

  1. Relentless

    Relentless Active Member

    EVERY single time I come close to actually establishing a relationship I screw it up because I have NO self confidence, none. This has happened my whole life, I am beyond shy I have high anxiety. I have yet to in my 17 years of living actually kiss a girl. I am pathetic, now here is another opportunity where I could have an actual girlfriend and I am messing it up already.

    Alright so this is what is going on, I have been hanging out/working with this girl for about 4 months now. We hang out mostly ever night after work either sit in my car or go in her house. The last couple of times I have been getting the vibes that she likes me, we keep locking eyes with each other and then she will just look me up and down while staring at me, obviously I should have went in for the kiss there. But I just can't get myself to do it? With no confidence in myself I just can't do it, it's hard to maintain eye contact as I get nervous most the time. I just have never done it in my life so I just don't know how and this is why I screw it up all the time.

    So that night where I blew my chance, we left with a hug like every night, well 3 hugs because she said she was leaving 3 times then stayed in probably waiting on me to make a move. But anyways I finally get home and jump on the computer and what is there but a message waiting for me. She asked if I liked her so I just decided I would tell her, so I said yes and then she said she liked me back. I hate doing saying it online though because when you see them the next time it's VERY awkward.

    I saw her yesterday we went to a party with her best friend and her best friends boyfriend. So we really didn't have any time alone, and at the end of the night we left with a hug once again. What possibly can I do? What should I do? I have no idea how to work this so I don't loose her.
  2. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    She likes you; you have an "in."

    So plan a date, just the two of you. Get her some flowers, take her someplace nice. Be sure to ALWAYS ask permission before you go further with a relationship. That way you know where both of you stand. Admit that you like her back!

    Go for it and good luck.
  3. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    And I just want to reinterate that there's nothing "wrong" with you; you're just cautious! Which isn't a bad thing, I had much the same questions myself when I was the same age. I still get knock-kneed around women I'm attracted to; it's something I'm definately working on, but you'll be glad to know it gets easier with practice. :cool:
  4. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    Just kiss her. Screw anxiety.
  5. Bigman2232

    Bigman2232 Well-Known Member

    If you're really that nervous just tell her the truth. You're young enough that it shouldn't be a big deal. Tell her "I would like to kiss you but I've never done this before...." There are those that say it's more romantic to just do it but it all depends on the situation and yours seems like just being honest is the best route.

    good luck.
  6. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    just tank it, nothing wrong with liking a girl
  7. Relentless

    Relentless Active Member

    Alright so I just got back from hanging out with her and everything went amazing, and now at 17 I have had my first actual kiss. And made out with a girl all in the same time :D a bit late but better later than never right? Still a bit awkward on where it goes from this point but hopefully it will all work out. I actually WANT to live, something I haven't felt in some time.
  8. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    im so glad that it went well for you and i hope that it all works out for you and her
  9. Relentless

    Relentless Active Member

    From this point though I am kind of stuck/confused on where it goes from here, we kissed then sat there for like 3 hours talking/listening to music. Then we left with a hug and kiss, I just am confused on where to go from here since I still have anxieties, should I be more touchy feely wrap my arms around her when she is walking grab her hand?

    Gah I wish I was more experienced so I could handle it without stressing myself out.
  10. Jonny295

    Jonny295 New Member

    I had the same problem when I was 17, I know it's not easy. My self confidence was at an all time low and I had just been rejected by the young sweetheart of my life. I had no self confidence whatsoever. i started too realise in this time that one of my friends had the hots for me, she was good looking beyond belief and was so caring. But when she asked me out I just froze and after a few minutes said no because of the hit to my self confidence.

    the next day I thouroughly regretted my decision and asked her out myself. Unfortunatley that relationship has now turned sour and I'm about to make my own post about that.

    I've been in your position and trust me, in the end, the hardest part is the first part.

    I hope this helps.


    sorry me being the numpty I am forgot to scroll down :p
    I think that in your situation you've jumped the hardest hurdle, now it's just a case of getting to know each other and relaxing around each other, find out what she likes, take her to see a movie. Hopefully from spending more time with her you'll start to understand what she likes. Then all that anxiety will fade away, all the tension everything, fizzles out.

    Hope I helped.
  11. A.Nonymous

    A.Nonymous Member

    Now I hate to ruin the whole "aww cute" and "romantic" moments here, but a lot of that stuff kills relationships because of how attraction works. Being suicidal myself, I realize there is no logic behind emotions whatsoever. Doing all of these nice things would make you THINK a girl would like you more, but I'm going to have to argue against that.

    It's never good to come off to a girl as "nice", you have to be willing to bust her balls from time to time (all in good fun of course). This is called flirting ;).

    Here are some options for some good first dates that won't even cost you anything:

    1. Go to the Mall: Hold her hand, talk about things that happened in your day and let her gab about hers and actually pay attention she'll be like "aww he does care" when you can recall these conversations.
    2. Hang out at your house: It's a private location, again be sure to listen to what she says and pay attention to her body language toward you. This is also an opportune time to learn push/pull.

    Obviously she's already comfortable being alone with you, and most girls tend to be comfortable enough with a guy to "kick it up a notch" if you've spent around 7 hours with them alone (7 hours is a LONG time to be around someone).

    So, just flow with it and use push/pull. Something hilarious to do is to go in, kiss her and pull back and continue talking. It drives the girls crazy, and chances are you won't even have to do anything from there... She'll probably have her tongue down your throat and you can go from there.

    I'll tell you from one of my experiences using my techniques (I've only mentioned EXTREMELY obvious light ones, pm me if you'd like some more especially dealing with body language), it'll build amazing sexual tension and you'll both feel amazing. I didn't kiss a girl until I was 17 either and that's what led me to wonder what exactly I did to make it happen, and when you realize the funny truth about it you'll probably laugh at how simple things really are.

    I'm probably going to get some funny/angry PMs over this post, but someone had to tell you it isn't like in the movies kid ^^.

    Edit: I just read the last few words of your message... You CAN NOT allow yourself to fear losing her or you'll never get anywhere. Just relax, it's pretty much an even playing field at this point you both have the same information. However, even the little things in this post give you much more "power" in the relationship.
    Edit 2: For God's sake, don't buy her flowers. In fact, she has a job, don't buy her anything even if she expects it. Example: a girl expected me to buy her movie ticket, I said jokingly "What? You have a job. Do you want me to dress you in the morning too? wtf?" and we both busted up laughing and she paid for it herself. Later that night, SHE made the move to kiss ME and because of some issues I've been having I rejected... But still a good example.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 5, 2009
  12. wibble

    wibble Well-Known Member

    Read the link I PM'd you
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 6, 2009