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What is wrong with me?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Why.Try, Oct 21, 2009.

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  1. Why.Try

    Why.Try Account Closed

    This post will most likely make no sense, as I seem to have trouble putting into words how I feel. So bear with me, please.

    I just want to kill myself. I don't want to live anymore. I am set on doing this. I have my method, and my date set. I am extremely depressed. I just don't want to go on. I have gone off all my meds. I am self medicating now. I am becoming more paranoid, I am starting to think I am being followed by the government. I am starting to lose my mind again. I just don't feel like I deserve to be helped.
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I have often had trouble putting my feelings into words, mostly because I didn't know what my feelings were. I was afraid of them.

    I believe all people deserve help. I still struggle with applying that to myself, thinking I don't deserve to be helped.

    Please call crisis and start taking your meds again. Keep posting here, it's a good start toward working through this. We'll listen and give you feedback.

  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Bret, welcome to SF. You did a great job of getting your thoughts out there. I know how overwhelmed you feel with all the thoughts and feelings. What's wrong with you? The same thing that is wrong with so many other members here. Depression, suicidal thoughts, pain and a sense of being "lost" in RL. But that doesnt make you "wrong". It makes you as person the same as thousands of others. But you recognize your pain and are reaching out. That's great. That means you still have some hope tucked away inside yourself somewhere.

    So please keep posting and letting us try to help anyway we can. Atleast being here you dont have to feel so alone with all the stuff your fighting. Instead take as much support as you can from here. Let's see if you cant find a different solution than the one you're sitting with right now. What's happening?
  4. sucidalgirl99

    sucidalgirl99 Well-Known Member

    I have a hard time expressing my feelings too. Please don't go, because all you ever need is right here.
  5. Why.Try

    Why.Try Account Closed

    I made my mind to OD on my meds. Sorry guys :(
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 22, 2009
  6. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    Bullshit. If you had made up your mind and intended on going through with it, you wouldn't have come here. You came here as a cry for help, because you don't want to die, and you hope we can help you through it, which we can, if you let us and put in the effort yourself. No one here wants you to die, myself included, so we are encouraging you to throw away your plan and choose life instead. Suicide will not bring you any relief, you will be dead and unable to feel it. It only causes devistation. It is a very serious issue, and the consequences and after effects are far greater than you will ever know or understand. Just don't do it.
  7. chooselife

    chooselife Well-Known Member

    You know, a lot of us have been through what your are going through right now. What is so terrible that you are set on suicide?
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi bret, don't!! It isn't worth it. Do yourself a huge favour and stop self medicating and consult a doctor, :hug: people do care,let them try and help you!
  9. Why.Try

    Why.Try Account Closed

    Tonight is the night. I don't want to do it. But I really don't see things ever getting better :( I have no option.
  10. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    There is always an option. One lady once told me, "Aw honey, there is always a stupid tomorrow."

    There are other options you can take to walk away from the problems. Stay with us here and we will walk with you through it.
  11. Why.Try

    Why.Try Account Closed

    What is there to talk about it? I am depressed, among other things.
  12. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    The point of this forum is to talk about whats wrong with us and help each other through it. Surely you can elaborate. Do you know why you're depressed? How does it make you feel? Do you want to feel better? What do you want out of life? Ask yourself questions like these and talk about them, because we're all here to help.
  13. Why.Try

    Why.Try Account Closed

    I don't know why I am depressed. I was diagnosed by my psychiatrist that it is Major Depressive Disorder, I also have OCD. I feel like shit daily, and stress over everything. I have routines that must be followed etc. I am self destructing, cutting, drinking, drugs. I want to get better, but I don't see myself ever getting better. What do I want out of life, I don't know. I plan on finishing my degrees, and seeing what to do from there. Life isn't meant to planned out, I know my OCD wants me to make a routine and follow it through but that isn't what I want. I want to live life and explore. But these issues are fucking with me. Too top it off I don't think any of the people want to support me. The psychiatrist seems to be shitty, I have no therapist, even though I tried to get one. I am fighting this by myself and it fucking sucks. I am at my fucking wits end here.
  14. Why.Try

    Why.Try Account Closed

    Home now, off work. Starting to mix my drugs. In the end I view it as a win win situation. If I die I am happy. If I don't die, I hurt myself. Eitherway it is all I deserve. :(
  15. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    If your psychiatrist isn't helping, then you should get a new one, in my opinion. You can't be dead and happy. You can't be dead and feel anything, it will just be nothingness. If you want to be happy, you have to live, and find what makes you happy. Try listening to music, or watch a movie or something to cheer you up, and keep posting here.

    All the best,


    P.S - you deserve A LOT more than what you have and you don't deserve what you are doing to yourself
  16. Why.Try

    Why.Try Account Closed

    Eh, just drank my mixture. Time to see where this night goes.
  17. Why.Try

    Why.Try Account Closed

    The attempt failed :( I ended up throwing up. Now I just feel like shit. Going to sleep it off. Most likely try tomorrow but with more medication.
  18. chooselife

    chooselife Well-Known Member

    Why are you giving us a running commentary on your suicide attempt? If you are suicidal which obviously you appear to be, get the help you need, and by this I mean checking yourself into a mental health facility or at least attending outpatient. Major depressive order can be treated if you find the right drug for you.

    OCD isn't such a bad thing if you can learn how to control it. Cognitive behavioral therapy is great for that, but you need to find the right therapist. Some therapists do not know how to treat OCD, this is fact. Try demanding that you get treatment for this, tell them you are suicidal.

    I don't know what drugs you are taking but you need to avoid the alcohol. Alcohol prevents medications from working properly. In addition to the physical harm it can cause internally.

    Both of your conditions are totally treatable. See if you can change your "Shitty Psychiatrist".
  19. JM18

    JM18 Active Member

    Well considering how he made a reply here almost constantly after making the post, and now has stopped, i dare guess that he has indeed found the right mixture.

    However, if you haven't yet... Then seriously, this is just sad... I mean.
    You yourself have no idea whatsoever what's wrong with you... your psychiatrist says something is wrong with you... gives you a couple of diseasenames and a bottle of pills?

    Ye i admit, i'm a completely ignorant person in this matter, but what i can tell you right now is... you need a drinkingbuddy... like seriously... get a friend of yours, if don't have any, go to a bar and start buying drinks to people... random people. Get yourself shitfaced and cry out every single problem you have in your life.

    It wont do you any good, and if you indeed get too shitfaced then you'll most likely throw up (but as that's what you plan to do anyway, shouldn't be much of a difference). Oh wait, i was wrong... if you're honest about crying about every single problem you have, you'll at least know them... and once you know them you can start thinking...

    Thinking whether or not you can fix them. Take each problem 1 by 1... each issue in your life and think what you could do to fix them. Should you take a hobbey? Should you just call some old friend out for drink (oh and if you're worrying here that you'll have nothing to do talk about... then talk about that... the fact how goddamn silent the night is... you'll notice that once alcohol kicks in, you'll do a lot better)...

    Anyway, in case you're not dead.. the message above was ment for you... and i wont write it any longer... cus u just might be dead ( and i might seem heartless... then again, i think i am)
  20. Why.Try

    Why.Try Account Closed

    Thanks for the responses. I am still here. Just been really down and self destructing. I don't think I will be doing anything for a bit. I don't know anymore.
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