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what is wrong with me?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by oscilate, Mar 6, 2010.

  1. oscilate

    oscilate Well-Known Member

    I can't think straight anymore. It seems like the only reason I interact with other people is to beg for attention. I want to feel loved, but I wont accept anyones love. I feel so paranoid and I dont know whats wrong with me.

    Is it borderline personality?

    I'm finally getting out of the house for the first time in weeks. My friend invited me to party hes throwing tonight... and I have no idea how I'm going to react. I will probably know alot of people there. I dont know if thats a good thing or not. Hopefully no girls from my past. Maybe I'll totally melt down? I have some cigs to keep me calm for a bit.

    What is wrong with me?
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    You sound like you have a lot of anxiety about things right now based upon your saying you can't think straight...that is how I get when stressed out and really anxious-just hard to keep my thoughts straight and then my feelings are all over the place.

    Do you have someone outside of SF that you could talk to? I think going to the party is a great idea! You'll have fun I bet. Why are there certain people you don't want to see? I am sure there will be friends there that you can focus on so you don't have to face those you would rather not talk to...parties are great in that way ..just avoid the ones you don't like.

    So do you think you are gonna go?
  3. oscilate

    oscilate Well-Known Member

    Yeah your right about the anxiety.

    And no, I dont really have anyone to talk to outside of SF. Generally, I push people away if they try and get too close to me. Before this past episode... I had alot of "friends", but I never quite feel close to them.

    Theres one girl that is good friends with the guy throwing the thing. She was one of the few consistent friends I had throughout my teenage years. We got really close and we both liked each other a little bit. When I moved away, she was the only person who flew out to see me. At some point, we got to know each other a little too well. Also, we both have issues with depression, and we relied on one another way too heavily at certain points. There was a falling out, and we rarely ever speak.

    Its not that seeing her will make me upset.... but it will certainly remind me of how crazy I really am.

    I'm pretty sure I'll go. Free booze and hopefully drugs.
  4. oscilate

    oscilate Well-Known Member

    god this all sounds pathetic.
  5. oscilate

    oscilate Well-Known Member

    I must be the most selfish person I know.
  6. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hey I am the most pathetic person! Get in line!

    No seriously you are not pathetic....sounds like you had a really great relationship with this woman and I am sorry that things went down that changed the nature of it but maybe you two will reconnect? Could happen you both have grown and are stronger people...I don't know just a thought

    Why do you think you are pathetic? I mean cuz you are struggling right now? If so then we all are pathetic as we all struggle with this thing called life...
    Please tell me more I am here.

    Love and hugs Bambi
  7. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Hey, if you are so worried about running into people from your past, maybe you should venture out and meet new people who are not within your inner circle. I know it is hard when you are always in the house and you want to go out because I am in a similar situation. I also experience anxiety and it is the hardest thing. However, I also try my hardest to avoid the girls I grew up with because for the most part, they are all bad people and were never true friends. Not to mention, I am the only one without kids! I'm only 21, so I don't care!
    Anyway, all the best for you and hugs!