what is wrong with me?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by fading_dreams, Sep 7, 2006.

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  1. fading_dreams

    fading_dreams Well-Known Member

    why do i cut so often? i mean, i know it feels good, but still... and just because i am hurting, does that mean that i have to hurt myself..... but i do.... again and again and again... bleeding makes me feel better. it assures me that i am alive and that i can control the pain on the outside, even i fi can't control the pain on the inside.
    i am going back into counseling. i am looking for a counselor now... the last ocunselor i had only made things worse. so i am hoping to find one that i can work with. i meet with someone tomorrow to talk about finding a new one... i really hope that goes well. and i hope that i don't cut tonight.. but i probably will. otherwise i know that i will not be able to be anything but miserable... dont you think it's strange how after you cut seems to be when you are the happiest?
  2. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

  3. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    Cutting for me helps me release some tension and anger. I don't really get happy over it though. I'd say I'm happiest when I can black out. (not sleep, but actually black out) That's the only time I like my life. The rest of the time I wish I was dead or cutting. (note: when I say dead, I mean my mind, not my body....crazy i know but that's why i'm consciousinsane)

    Finding the right counsler will help. I"m going to see one here in just 5 minutes. I hope he tells me what I need to hear.
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