why do i cut so often? i mean, i know it feels good, but still... and just because i am hurting, does that mean that i have to hurt myself..... but i do.... again and again and again... bleeding makes me feel better. it assures me that i am alive and that i can control the pain on the outside, even i fi can't control the pain on the inside. i am going back into counseling. i am looking for a counselor now... the last ocunselor i had only made things worse. so i am hoping to find one that i can work with. i meet with someone tomorrow to talk about finding a new one... i really hope that goes well. and i hope that i don't cut tonight.. but i probably will. otherwise i know that i will not be able to be anything but miserable... dont you think it's strange how after you cut seems to be when you are the happiest?