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What is wrong with me?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Songstress, Feb 3, 2012.

  1. Songstress

    Songstress Well-Known Member

    And please no one say "nothing is wrong with you" because I know that something is wrong with me, I just don't know what. I've been told I suffer from depression. But yet the pills I've been on really don't help and didn't stop me from my first and only suicide attempt a few months ago. It was a very stupid attempt, and not very well planned, but it was still an attempt and left me with the only scar I have gotten because of depression.

    I have never cut myself and I never will. When I don't get so far gone I don't think at all I know that I am loved and that it's foolish for me to attempt to kill myself.

    But I have times where all I can do is cry. Other times where I just want to scream and yell at people. And of course the times when I'm calm and happy.

    I am socially awkward and any time that someone "bullies" me I freeze and I withdraw. Sometimes my mind even just races on and on about all the times I've been made to feel small, weak, and useless.

    I've looked up different things and sometimes I seem like I'm bi polar, though I don't have that many manic times, and usually they all seem normal. Sometimes I seem like I have borderline personality disorder and other times it seems like I have PTSD. Is there a way I can actually find any of this out for sure? I see a therapist, but I don't know how to bring up the topic of maybe being misdiagnosed. What should I do?
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Hmm, maybe the pills aren't working and you need a different type of med or a different dosage. I am sensitive so I know how you feel about getting hurt easily by people. You should talk to your therapist about how you feel and hope that you will be able to find the right treatment soon.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I agree that you have to discuss with your pdoc or MD how to make the medication more effective and maybe adding counseling (talk therapy) to the mix...the right treatment can make a lot of difference..but you have to advocate for yourself and tell the providers what is going on for you...please do that as you deserve to feel better
  4. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    the unfortunate fact is that treating depression is different than treating a physical illness

    have a fever? antibiotics will clear that right up

    diabetic? keep your meter and insulin handy

    depressed? well, we can try this medication - it may take a couple of weeks/months before it kicks in and there may or may not be side effects - and if that one doesn't work, we have a whole cabinet full of other choices - we just keep trying different things until we find what works

    helluva way to run a railroad and it can get frustrating as hell, but talk to the doc and see if maybe you'll be better off on a different class of meds

    if you can find a good therapist that you trust, keep talking to them

    if you don't think your current therapist is doing the job, search for one you'll be better off with

    and when you have questions or want company or just need to rant, come visit

    we're always open
  5. Songstress

    Songstress Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys. It does help to rant here sometimes, as my fiance also has depression and can't always handle when I'm stressed as well. His depression however seems far more controlled than mine. And I've actually tried getting them to change my meds before, but the system I'm currently in (and can't afford to change since it's free) is over crowded and it's had to get the drug doctors to actually listen.
    I do have a talk therapist and I trust him, I've just had issues getting a meeting with him since the holidays. I do finally have one with him, but I haven't been able to even do group therapy since I just haven't had a way to get there thanks to conflicting schedules. If I could see my therapist as often as I'd like to, I know he'd do well. But it's not his fault, it's the over crowded system I'm in. And the over crowded system is expected since I live in one of the states with the highest rates of depression and unemployment.