I've totally lost mine a few months ago and I cannot stop looking for a good point to end it all. I mean what the hell am i still around for when all im doing is waiting to finish this race ? its all i think about anymore, when I'm working I don't have to think I just do, but when the work day ends it all comes back. My Life is unacceptable anymore, I'm bipolar 1 , OCD and agoraphobic to boot. what good am i anymore ? i cant say my wife, kids, and grandson have that firm of a grip on me anymore. I've pulled the trigger on my life 3 times and god keeps saving my stupid ass...what have i done to deserve this fucking life? I cant call anyone cause all i do is cry when i try to talk, the screaming in my head is non-stop. I try to get online help but it seems like the "normal" world ends at 1 EST I love my family but what I am and do outweighs the good of me being here! I'm a mess and I'm tired of getting myself help to stop what I really want, all these pills and good thoughts are not helping me from my brain wanting to kill my body.