just wondering what are/is everyone's reason for ending it? maybe if others know the reason we want to end it maybe they can help us make another choice such as not ending it???? I will start with me I guess, There is really not just one reason for me,but actually several. 1 - I don't have tenn-care, no insurance, applied many times every single time denied. it is like I am doomed to this. a person cant get help with their depression if they have no way to get meds to help them. I have never been on depression meds, maybe it would help if I was but I cant get them cause the state wont let me have insurance. if I attempt again I know I can get back on it really quick, so I can attempt it and if I succeed everyone will be happy that I am gone out of their life, if I don't succeed and it fails again then maybe the state will give me insurance so I can get the meds to help me 2 - reason number 2 is I am unloved. I get no visits, no phone calls, no emails, no letters.. I have cancer, those that know this without a doubt just do not care cause if they did they would be here right? If you have a family member and or a friend and you know they have cancer, you going to avoid them? or try and see them, spend a few minutes with them before they pass away? what if it was your sister? your brother? your mother or your father? your childhood friend? you hear their sick you going to visit them? then you need to ask yourself this. WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? 3 - I cant get a job.. I have many strikes against me, many.. been in a nut house for attempting my life and failing, have health problems because I failed at an attempt, have felony record, just found out I had more on there then I thought. been told I don't need to give up. well then you that tell me not to give up then what the heck am I suppose to do? stand out on a street corner, sell my body for money? go join a brothel and sell my body in that? I can you know? there is a brothel in Utah. its legal in that state. but when it comes to the choice of selling my body or dying, I would rather commit suicide and die. if I am going to sink low then I will sink low and die. 4 - I have faith in Christ, a lot of faith but here lately that faith is wavering and its putting me on the bottom. so much so that I cant feel it. I cant feel love at all. then when I die others will say they tried to help me but I did not listen or whatever, but the fact of the matter is that I do listen, it is you who don't listen to me. you don't understand my pain, you think you do but you don't. the ministers who tell me they love me, yet go behind my back and say to other ministers let me warn you about her? lol what do you say to them? what warning do you tell them? that I will not listen? you got to give me the chance to listen, you got to give me time. you got to allow me to understand. you got to allow me time to accept your help. you have to give me time to accept trust. unless you have physically walked into my shoes then you don't fully understand me or where I am coming from at all. you want to help me? then listen to me. give me time to trust you. that is all I ask. yet you cant comprehend it can you? B.B. I trusted you yet you are going behind my back telling the minister I have to do my funeral that you warn him about me. God told me you did this, W. did not tell me God did. How can you warn him about me when you don't even know me that well. you think that's going to help me? well it isn't.. you say that I abandoned you, well who abandoned who? I cant even hardly get out of bed anymore let alone go to church, yet you don't even come by to see me or check up on me. you said that you did not say that you did not believe I had cancer, well you know I have cancer, yet no phone call, no visit, no email... so who abandoned who? I cant get to a physical church building anymore. I have to at times get moody transportation to take me to the doctor cause I cant physically drive, yet you say I abandoned church???????? those are the top 4 reasons I want to end it.