what it's like to slit your wrists (strong language and imagery)

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by zusanna, Mar 24, 2007.

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  1. zusanna

    zusanna Active Member

    i know what it's like to try and slit my wrists because i was unhappy. and i'll tell you - it ain't easy. sure, you could eventually bleed out, but god it just takes so long! - even when you're spurting blood 3 feet in the air from your radial artery - a body will do whatever it takes to survive. you will get a little dizzy. and you'll eventually clot. so basically if you passed out, you would stop bleeding at some point and then what would you do...? you would lie in your room/the tub until you woke up and got the strength to kick the crap out of the vein some more. lucky me - where i live, i have solitude. i can take as long as i want to slit my wrists. i have people living mere feet away from me on either side, but i can still basically do anything i want as long as it doesn't make a ton of noise or set off the smoke detector.

    another scenario: you wake up after losing consciousness from blood loss. if you do this somewhere other than a tub, there's a disgusting mess of coagulated blood on the floor. a big "pool of blood" is not as sexy as it should be, like in the movies. blood solidifies very quickly after pooling, and soon enough you're dealing with a substance much like smelly, poorly formed jell-o, and you're slipping and sliding around in it. and by smelly i mean rotten. as well as all the gross red shit all over the place, you've probably also been vomiting up whatever you ate for breakfast, and it's in your hair, and beside your head, and that smell is also just delicious. your stomach is cramping and you're having muscle spasms all over. your head feels like it's tied to a string 10 feet up and you can't concentrate because you're so dizzy. your vision shakes and spins and it makes you throw up again. this time on your thigh because you're sitting up now, sort of. by the 5th time, it's just lots of sticky, yellow bile and you're smelling like you're already dead. a rotting, gelatinous bloated corpse. but somehow you're still alive, how much alive is anyone's guess, and it's time to make a decision.

    well, let's weigh our options. you could take a look around, realize that, "hey! death ISN'T as beautiful as i thought it was! maybe i should just deal with life instead." take it easy with the classes next semester.. get over your girlfriend she never loved you anyway.. take up a hobby. it ain't that hard.

    OR you could pick the razor up and cut the clot open, and actually turn into that putrid corpse you smell like. and just be nothing.

    go through with this, and you are going to scar everyone around you. life is going to go on for others, and you might get a mention in the paper, and a cute little obit (i wonder what picture they would use of you), but everyone close to you is left to pick up your pieces and deal with this awful thing you've done. it's selfish and it's easy for you, but your family will tear their hearts out wanting you back.

    i've been there, so i know what it's like to tear my family and friends apart - i know what it's like to have stomach cramps so severe i finally ask someone to call 911 - i know what it's like to cry, alone in an ambulance all the way to the hospital - i know what it's like to spend a couple days up in the psych ward with the loons and having to explain afterwards to everyone who asks why i have these terrible scars on my arms - i know all these things.. and i wasn't even successful!

    basically what i'm trying to say here. i've been on the edge of death. and it ain't worth it. it's painful and not even near as romantic as it looks in the movies. IM me with comments or hate mail.
  2. Crimson_Remorse

    Crimson_Remorse Active Member


    I'm so sorry you've been through such hell..I'm so glad you survived, & I really hope things have gotten better for you. I can't tell you how much it means to me to have read this...thank-you for sharing this piece of your life.

    I hope you find some peace in this world.
  3. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No hate mail for you, only gratitude that you had the courage to tell your story. I hope it dissuades others from suicide. Thank you.


    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 28, 2007
  4. Jawa

    Jawa Guest

    Could I add that if a person does actually die their body will defacate everywhere, their body will blow up quite a bit from gases and pretty soon flies will be attracted to the smell. So if it takes at least a day for someone to find you you're gonna be crawling with maggots and turning weird funky colors.

    I watched this program once about people's bodies who had been found after they had committed suicide. It said that if you live in an apartment building the most likely reason people will find your corpse is not because they noticed you were gone, but because the smell is so bad it travels round the whole building and they wanna get rid of it.

    <mod edit: Malcontent - graphic pictures, too triggering>
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2007
  5. zusanna

    zusanna Active Member

    thanks for posting the links to the pictures. definitely makes me want to crawl into bed for a while and have dreams of bunnies and rainbows.. think about anything but wanting to hurt myself. i just can't imagine my family finding me hanging from the ceiling looking like that, or half my face blown off. :sad: there's no way i could do that to them.
  6. This is one of the most powerful things i've yet read on this forum. I'm extremly down right now and I feel caught between a rock and a hard plce. Now that's nothing new. I find no menaing in this life, and I haven't looked at the pictures, but it reminded me of my older brother's suicide. He lived away, out of town and I forgave him his death - he'dsimply had enough (and I can understand that fully - I alos found my dad's body after he shot himself through the heart) - but they didn't find his body for a few days and the coroner gave the same description. Needless to say it was a closed coffin funeral. I'm still in a horrible quandary - why is this life so F***ING hard?!?!? And death no easier... every part of my being hurts and I feel as if my soul has already left. I'd never want to do that - leaving behind such a sorry mess - but I'm so goddamned tired...

    Thanks for sharing your poignant story. That took a lot of courage.

  7. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Wow.. thank you for sharing your story. Very well put and hate mail? Pfft. No way! I'll offer you hugs instead. :hug: :hug:
  8. Guy Incognito XI

    Guy Incognito XI Well-Known Member

    Good work. very scary.

    I too thought it sounded quite romantic, but ur story has proved quite inspiring. I'll have to chalk that one off, back to the drawing board, eh.
  9. lilboyblue

    lilboyblue Well-Known Member

    thank you. that brought back memories that i need to remember. especially the hurt that it causes everyone. thank you
  10. Wow, it takes absoulute courage to tell your espiacially the details, I applaud you not many people share stories like that. I'm happy that you took the other road and started over, congratulations you'll be in my prayers.
  11. zusanna

    zusanna Active Member

    thanks everyone.. i appreciate it.
  12. PoetMan

    PoetMan Well-Known Member

    -points to tattoo-

    I've been there. No more wrist cutting for me.
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