what i've been feeling like

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by geolab101, Oct 26, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. geolab101

    geolab101 Well-Known Member

    early monday morning at about 3:30ish i took 5 sleeping pills. it wasn't really an attempt on my life, although i did want to die. that many non prescript pills would be very unlikely to do the job, aside from slight liver damage. when i woke up my dad was yelling at me about going to school. i slept for 20 hours because of the pills, i woke up twice to eat though. i don't really understand why i did what i did. it took a little psyching up to take them even though i knew i wasn't really going to die from them, just hoping.

    logically i can tell myself things aren't a big of a deal as i emotionally perceive them to be.

    anyway i'm tired of doing stuff and i feel depressed. today i was told by my sister to 'stop wallowing in self pity.' i thought she might understand because she's seen counsellors a lot more than i have. i feel like i should stop feeling bad, i'm taking my pills again, but this advice made me feel worse, and i can't tell her that because she is probably only trying to make herself feel better i guess. still hurts tho

    doing stuff seems to help, but i am not that motivatable.

    i don't see the point in much anymore. but i think i'm unable to kill myself (blessing in disguise? maybe, doesn't feel that way though). i think about suicide a lot.
  2. geolab101

    geolab101 Well-Known Member

    i think i should have added a better title. maybe i would get more responses.:dry:
  3. Nessarose

    Nessarose Well-Known Member

    I can identify with that. Sometimes I'm in so much mental pain that all I want to do is sleep. It happens a lot, really. Also, like you, I can't seem to kill myself and have motivation for nothing.

    It's good that you're getting counseling and medications, though. They can help so much. Please stick with them, and please promise me that, if you get the urge to take more than the prescribed dose again, you will give the pills to your dad and ask him to give the prescribed dosages to you at the times you need them. These thoughts are dangerous, and no one wants to see you get hurt.

    Take care. Things are hard, but pain lessens at some points, and may even go away altogether. You'll be in my prayers. If you ever have a specific prayer request or just need to talk, feel free to private message me.
  4. sorry to hear that you feel so bad, like you i have many suicidal thoughts but im unable to take them through- which people say is a blessing but it just feels like another failure and like im stuck in a sort of 'limbo' like standing to the edge of a cliff, and either way i have to take one step forward or one back. im sure your sis didnt mean to be mean, maybe she thought that it'd help. maybe you just need to try and force yourself out of it, and start thinking about all the little thngs you like in life, and then go from there. or maybe you should seek more help.
    do u tend to ge out much??
    take care nicx
  5. Divine Rage

    Divine Rage Member

    I'm also feeling like that, I told myself today that I'm going to gym, so I pack my bag... and unpack again because I have not motivation whatsoever to go and get exercise, no reason. It's simply not worth the trouble. This morning while I was delivering papers, I was like "Why do I do this?", I didn't have the answer.

    There are also days I continually think about suicide, today is such a day. I just took 2 sleeping pills, I think that's the best treatment - take your sleeping pills and sleep it off (get high as well from the pills :tongue:).

    You/me won't feel like this forever, better times lie ahead! I hope...
  6. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    I sort of have been going through something similar. My mom can be a little harsh sometimes and I tried to commit suicide about three days ago by chasing 60 Tranxene pills with wine. But, it didn't work. I have felt a lot closer to people lately and I think that living is worth living. My faith is starting to get better. Although I am not a complete christain anymore I have faith in reincarnation and in angels who guide and watch after us. Sometimes what people say really sticks in your head. One night my mom said that I was ruining thier lives...so instead of coming with them that evening to their picnic I sat in the car contemplating suicide. I was somewhat out of it do to the pills i was taking that were making me weird, but out of nowhere i heard "You will never be forgiven" that, now that I look back, even though I took it as a sign...probably wasn't real. But I do know there are spirits among us. As I was thinking about it I pictured all my relatives and friends gathered at my funeral. It's sad, yet beautiful. But you don't want others in your family or around you to be in grief too.
    I think though that you should find a good person to talk to, moreso than people just on this forum. You need someone who you can confide in personaly.
  7. geolab101

    geolab101 Well-Known Member

    thanks for all your comments. they were all helpful. i'm doing a lot better now than when i began this topic. i'm back on zoloft and that seems to help a lot.

    i'm still not nearly as motivated as i used to be but i actually went out with friends yesterday and today i went to the gym. now all i need to do is catch up on the 3 days of school i missed and i should be back to my normal state.

    thanks for your feedback. it was nice hearing that people care.
  8. geolab101

    geolab101 Well-Known Member

    i said i was on zoloft earlier.. i'm actually on lexapro

    my bad...

    i've seen a lot of people about this and have talked to some of my friends and i think things will get better for me. it'll be hard. but i'm starting to feel a little hopefull about my suicidal thoughts and depression.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.