early monday morning at about 3:30ish i took 5 sleeping pills. it wasn't really an attempt on my life, although i did want to die. that many non prescript pills would be very unlikely to do the job, aside from slight liver damage. when i woke up my dad was yelling at me about going to school. i slept for 20 hours because of the pills, i woke up twice to eat though. i don't really understand why i did what i did. it took a little psyching up to take them even though i knew i wasn't really going to die from them, just hoping. logically i can tell myself things aren't a big of a deal as i emotionally perceive them to be. anyway i'm tired of doing stuff and i feel depressed. today i was told by my sister to 'stop wallowing in self pity.' i thought she might understand because she's seen counsellors a lot more than i have. i feel like i should stop feeling bad, i'm taking my pills again, but this advice made me feel worse, and i can't tell her that because she is probably only trying to make herself feel better i guess. still hurts tho doing stuff seems to help, but i am not that motivatable. i don't see the point in much anymore. but i think i'm unable to kill myself (blessing in disguise? maybe, doesn't feel that way though). i think about suicide a lot.