What just happened to me?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by dice, Dec 18, 2011.

  1. dice

    dice Well-Known Member

    So anyway a little backstory. I'm a bisexual guy but still closeted, and have considered suicide partly because of my sexuality. I saw a concert last night with a friend of mine. The band was Rise Against and they played the song Make It Stop. For those of you who don't know the song is about gay children who have committed suicide after being bullied. After feeling suicidal myself and knowing someone who went through something very similar the song means a lot to me. This song often brings a tear to my eyes but I guess hearing it live did a little more. Anyway I was singing along through the song, bobbing my head, and throwing my hands in the air and then one part of the song came up. Near the end of the song they list the names of some children who have committed suicide. When it got to this part I just got numb, I got goosebumps going down my skin, I went white, then started sweating like crazy, I also felt dizzy and I felt like I was going to throw up. This lasted for about a minute and then I was back to normal.

    My question is what happened to me? I've never had anything like this before and am a little scared. Clearly the song brought this out in me but could this be a medical issue or what? Was this a panic attack? Has anyone been through something similar? I'm really scared, it felt like I lost control of my body.

    I apologize if this is in the wrong section of the forum but really have no idea where the appropriate place is.
  2. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    to be honest it probably was the connection to those feelings that youre harbouring in a very public area. Music for some is a gateway to their feelings that can bypass alot of things we hide behind. From what you've said you associate a great deal with this song, and even feel in tune with it. Those sorts of feelings are very very personal and scary. For you it sounds like it brings you very close to your own mortality or existence. I mean, you can feel that way on your own, but if you are kinda hyper intensed by being at a concert, with that sort of music, and allow it to touch you on that level, it can make you .. shift quickly. Sorta like when we go to a job interview or out in public vs being alone in our own rooms or in a calm place. The shift between just enjoying a concert to a moment where you feel vulnerable can be quite drastic in a public area. Perhaps you were more aware of the people around you and that they might see what you think people see of you, and that frightened you.

    That's just my rammel. I don't think it's a medical issue. Just perhaps, a very honest and vulnerable moment for you that was a bit overwhelming.

    *edit* I thought I'd add, that even though you felt very uncomfortable, the fact remains you kept yourself under control and did so rather quickly. If anything, that can help you understand that those feelings that allowed you to feel in such a way, are not as paralysing or frightening as you may have made them out to be. Just saying, if you ever want to talk to someone that you trust, just remember you have pulled yourself up from those low depths.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 18, 2011
  3. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    SBlake said it best.

    It sounds like it was a full blown panic attack (probably not the worst that it could have been). I've learned that sometimes it can just come out of no where. A song, a smell, a event that triggers you and makes you relive your fears. And those are the symptoms I have when I start to feel one.

    A good thing though, is that you were able to regain control and rather quickly too. As time goes on, if you learn the warning signs then you can actually sometimes stop it before it fully comes.

    I wish you luck. :hug:
  4. dice

    dice Well-Known Member

    Thank you SBlake. I think you are right that the different environment was able to bring out more emotion than I normally would. I should have mentioned this song does make me teary eyed sometimes when I listen to it. I actually thought to myself before the concert that I should leave to go to the bathroom or something when it played. I really appreciate your responses, I'm glad I guess it was nothing really alarming. I have been really freaked out wondering what happened to me since my body has never responded like that ever.
  5. Stripe

    Stripe Well-Known Member

    Personally, goosebumps, sweating like crazy, going dead white and feeling like throwing up is everything I feel before I faint. The last time I fainted was after I got a nail stuick in my foot. I removed the nail, cleaned the wound and then had every symptom you described before fainting (and falling off the table I was sitting on :grr:).

    Maybe you came close to passing out?

    Either way, thanks. Not heard anything off the Endgame album till I listened to Make It Stop. Now Im gonna youtube the hell outta the rest of the album.
  6. dice

    dice Well-Known Member

    I probably came close to passing out. I had to grab the chair in front of me for balance so it wouldn't surprise me if I was close to losing consciousness.
  7. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    dice you are keeping a big secret.. being there with other people aned listening to this song probably caused a system overload.. all kinds of feelings and thoughtsk, events and all involuntarily arriving suddenly and too much to deal with all of a sudden.. this has happened to me also and to keep myself safe from crashing and burning i just sort of collapsed to the floor in a hulk until i was able to regain control. this is really kind of scary for anyone..
  8. dice

    dice Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the advice. You all have made me feel better about what happened but I'm a little more scared to come out so I guess all and all I'm about even.
  9. Brandt

    Brandt Well-Known Member

    I'm jealous you got to see Rise Against live, they're one of my favorite bands.
  10. Mr. E

    Mr. E Well-Known Member

    I think SBlake broke it down well. This does sound a lot like a panic attack, especially given the circumstances. Hiding one's sexuality can be incredibly emotionally taxing, but there are a lot of understandable reasons for keeping it under wraps- with any luck you'll reach a point where you can reveal it without any considerable backlash. I hope you're doing better