What keeps you from doing "it"?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by terapin12, Apr 30, 2013.

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  1. terapin12

    terapin12 New Member

    What keeps you from pulling the trigger? Turning the page, or whatever you want to call it.

    C'mon Im 50yrs old. Divorced for 18yrs, just ended a relationship with a woman who was a unmedicated bipolar alcoholic. She was toxic, buy I miss her dearly. Im totally alone, I have no friends, no job, and a big old house that I dont give a shit about.

    I have one son, who is disabled so I cant look forward to going to his wedding or being a grand father. He lives in another state than me. I have nothing. Nothing except a sister who is more concerned with the balance of her 401k than anything else. We dont talk often an hour or two maybe on Christmas. My parents both have Alzheimer's and there condition is going to get worse. So why am I still here?

    What is keeping me from getting my gun from the safe deposit box at the bank and just turning the page? What purpose am I serving being here? Why should I endure and carry on? Why would anyone no one will miss you or me. I just dont have any answers anymore, I cant see it getting better. I dont see it getting worse either but is existing what you want to do in life? Why are we even wasting time reading and posting. You tell me what is the answer, because Im out of answers.....
  2. Brickwall

    Brickwall Member

    I'm in a similar place--I feel the same way about myself and my own "life."

    I think the hope that things will get better plus a general fear that I'd regret the decision to take my own life keeps me from doing it---well, more the latter. I don't really want to hope anymore; the things I hope for tend to be foolish.

    I'm 40, and I have no family, no friends (well, one). I don't know what the situation is with your son, but I can't see how your killing yourself couldn't impact him----and dramatically so.

    Are you in therapy? Do you have someone you can talk to about all of this who won't judge you and who will listen objectively?
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