What keeps me going? In short: Music, Art, Cars, Sex, Substance abuse... And on rare, beautiful occasions the immense wonder of nature. I can't talk freely about the most poignant of these in detail, since they break site rules. All I can say is that I am one ****ed up individual who does a lot of things they shouldn't, some openly and some privately. Am I ashamed? Perhaps, but only in my own eyes. Sometimes the devil inside keeps you alive. There is no rhyme or reason to it, only the sweet embrace of escapism and the heady heights of hedonism. I am smart enough to know better. I see the path forward yet so frequently walk backwards, immediate self preservation becomes justification for slow, steady debilitating destruction.