Howdy, With all the sadder threads coming up I figure I put my own story out there and let people know why I keep going. Well, basically this entire latter half the summer I have been feeling like complete shit, as I lost a close friend due to my own arrogance. It's weird not talking to my friend during the nights and whatnot, but I think I'm slowly starting to ease on it. I mean, it's hard to completely forget someone you knew for almost half a decade. So over the summer I got hired up by the Government, I can't say what I do nor can I say where I work, as it is kinda classified. I made a lot of mistakes in my life. A lot of friends who I no longer talk to, or maybe we'll talk once in a blue moon. Just a lot of memories of regret and remorse...the sad realization that I am kind of a dick to people because I'm afraid of them hating me. Maybe it's a defense mechanism, I don't know. I've been looking back at loads of emails from people who I've used to talk to and I keep asking myself how i could've done it better. It's guilt, remorse, or whatever you want to call it. I guess that's what keeps me going, it's proof that I am alive and I am a living breathing being. So now here I am, on the week's eve of my shipment looking back at all the people I met, learning to keep walking in a sandstorm when every memory is fading like the sands being thrown around a desert. Maybe God had a reason for me being alone, I'm not going to doubt what he planned out...I learned to not put the blame on him anymore. It's my life and I need to live it. Still it fucking sucks. After I took a military exam today I ended up going to the beach and just watched the ocean for some reason. I don't know what I want in life but I'm keeping the movement going. I'm going to keep living because I want to see another sunrise and another tomorrow. I don't know why but it's what my soul is telling me to do. This guilt and remorse will always stay, but I think I'll wear it like a badge of remembrance of how often I screwed up in life. Maybe I'll get it right just once. Anyways, that's my reason to keep going. The will to see another tomorrow. What about you guys?