What Led You To Consider Suicide?
- Thread starter shady9000
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I'd say my current lack of and recent loss of a lot of things. Lost a girl, lost my scholarships, can't go to school, no job, no money, my friends have all up and left me, and the crushing realization that I have no marketable talents, and pretty much no real future outside of becoming a janitor and eeking out a miserable, lonely life.
Before that, it was the crushing realization that my brother was completely out of control cause he was addicted to crack at the time, my mother wasn't going to help me because she was busy sucking every other guy in town off and sleeping over their houses drunk as shit, and my friends wouldn't help me because they had their lives all sorted and they were too busy keeping it that way to help me out.
Before that, it was the crushing realization that my brother was completely out of control cause he was addicted to crack at the time, my mother wasn't going to help me because she was busy sucking every other guy in town off and sleeping over their houses drunk as shit, and my friends wouldn't help me because they had their lives all sorted and they were too busy keeping it that way to help me out.
The second part has kind of been dealt with. Brother's in rehab, my mother is acting less like a slut, but that can only last for so long. Eventually my brother will come back home and it'll start all over again like it does for most recovering crack addicts and the hell will begin again, and my mother will relapse soon enough so I'll have that to look forward to.
I'm currently stuck in the first part of my post. And while I have concider suicide and have suicidal thoughts, I am not going to go out of my way to do it. I don't want to commit suicide. Just the fact that I've had it come out as an option is what horrifies me. And even more, is that it just keeps looking better and better.
I'm currently stuck in the first part of my post. And while I have concider suicide and have suicidal thoughts, I am not going to go out of my way to do it. I don't want to commit suicide. Just the fact that I've had it come out as an option is what horrifies me. And even more, is that it just keeps looking better and better.
I've considered suicide off and on most of my adult life. When "things" are too much for me to handle, when I don't feel that I"m contributing anything good to the world or to my immediate family, then I'd consider killing myself. Recently I've come to the conclusion that I don't want to die, I just want to be 'someone else': someone successful, someone loved, someone needed... So yes, I consider it frequently, but not really - only fantasizing, daydreaming.:sad:
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For me, suicide is not some irrational route to freedom. Sure I have plenty of problems in my life but never do I jump the gun and decide to kill myself spur of the moment. For me I know that there is something much better than the life I have now. I know that in death I will reclaim life. I know it.
And don't look at me and think I'm a fool for believing in reincarnation. I don't believe in karma, or people being reincarnated back as animals or flowers or anything stupid like that. In fact, I used to be a protestant Christian untill I discovered how ludicrous christianity is (no offense to anyone).
People are afraid of death because it is the unknown. People are afraid of what they are unsure of. But once you realize that death brings life, and know it for a fact, you will be completely content and all too happy to die.
And don't look at me and think I'm a fool for believing in reincarnation. I don't believe in karma, or people being reincarnated back as animals or flowers or anything stupid like that. In fact, I used to be a protestant Christian untill I discovered how ludicrous christianity is (no offense to anyone).
People are afraid of death because it is the unknown. People are afraid of what they are unsure of. But once you realize that death brings life, and know it for a fact, you will be completely content and all too happy to die.
I'm mother to 2 teenage girls, and, according to them, not a very good one - tho I bust my ass trying to do everything I'm supposed to do. I'm an exhausted self-employed worker who doesn't make enough money and will not be able to retire in 12 yrs, so will have to work til I drop in the traces... not a pleasant prospect.:sad:
What I DON'T do is... whatever I'm supposed to do to be a fully-realized human being. I don't do very well as a mother and will lose my youngest in a few months when she rejects me and moves in with her dad.
just too tired to explain anything, suffice it to say that I'm not doing very well at anything right now, and forever regret my bad choices in the past... which is why I'm stuck in this mess now...
least
What I DON'T do is... whatever I'm supposed to do to be a fully-realized human being. I don't do very well as a mother and will lose my youngest in a few months when she rejects me and moves in with her dad.
just too tired to explain anything, suffice it to say that I'm not doing very well at anything right now, and forever regret my bad choices in the past... which is why I'm stuck in this mess now...
least
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