What makes one girl 'only good for sex' and another 'girlfriend material'

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Aurora Gory Alice, Apr 20, 2010.

  1. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    You see I have always wondered this.

    I meet lots of guys who are happy to stick it in anything! :dry:
    Anything and anyone as long as they are getting laid. But when it comes to dating the girl - nope.

    I don't get what makes one woman girlfriend material and another only good for sex?
  2. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    neither do men
  3. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Well, my best friend at the moment is "only good for sex" and not "girlfriend material" because she's even more crazy (in the literal mental health sense) than I am... She feels the same way about me so it works out. Honestly, I would rather have a girlfriend than a fuck buddy (contrary to the popular view of guys) but it's not happening...
  4. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    A girlfriend would be someone you actually like and enjoy being around.

    An "only good for sex" girl is (from my experience) just really to add to your hit-count. Probably not someone they find all that attractive and/or mentally and emotionally engaging.
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    You need to ask the men who see women that way. The results are pretty funny to say the least. :wink:
  6. xan

    xan Chat Buddy

    I'm not sure I'm a traditional guy when it comes to this... but I find that having sex with a girl makes me feel a lot less insecure and it's overall a good feeling just to hold someone once in a while or just go wild >.>... But if I was looking for a girlfriend, I'd want more than just looks, there shouldn't be anything about them that annoys you a lot straight away, that you're going to notice a lot if you see them as often as I'd want to see a gf. I dunno... I think I separate sex and love quite a bit, but when they come together it's so much better. I miss falling in love... Besides I've been treated like that by girls before as well, good for having sex with and being close friends but not as a boyfriend... so sorry if it's happened to you recently :hug:
  7. fisch

    fisch Well-Known Member

    Haha this question is crying out for a dude like me to answer it. :laugh:

    I think it's a good question, and in a way it's quite similar to the question guys ask about why girls see them as close friends and not as relationship material. The answer to both is that no-one can truly help the way they feel. There are simply different kinds of attraction.

    Take me for instance. Linds's question totally applies to me as I am one of those blokes who keeps lust and like/love feelings (i.e. wanting to be with someone in a relationship) totally, totally separate. When I have feelings of lust towards someone, in my head I totally rule out any possibility of a relationship. I don't know exactly why, but I figure out it's because I'm very idealistic about relationships, I like them to be sort of 'cute' and about 'cute activities' like walking together in the park, kissing in the rain and strolling in the Lake District. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's true. I could never have a relationship that revolved around just having sex all the time.

    Apart from the girls who I see merely as friends, I find that the other girls who I meet are split into two categories: girls who I feel sexually attracted to, and girls who I feel are sort of 'cutesy', i.e. girls who I am fond of and the type I end up falling for. Amazingly, these two types are mutually exclusive to me. It would be unlikely that anyone in the lust type would ever make it into the potential relationship type.

    In general for me, the lust type girls tend to be more womanly and less cute, perhaps more grown up, confident and quite conventionally attractive (i.e. the type a lot of guys are attracted to). On the other hand, girls I end up liking, and maybe more than liking, tend to be 'cute', more pretty rather than sexy, sometimes eccentric, a bit of a tomboy, quite edgy and cool, and very girl-next-door. Both types are awesome but I just feel differently about them.
  8. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Fantastic answer fisch! And oddly enough what I have always thought, I suppose I just needed to hear an actual guy say it/confirm it.
    Would explain why almost every guy I have dated fancied the pants off Natalie Portman but always talked about 'banging' Megan Fox. lol.
  9. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I would feel bad and hate men more--- but I know that there are plenty of girls who have the same mentality of using some people as fuck buddies- and dating *other* men seriously. (and possibly not communicating what kind of relationship she is using the man for...)

    not for me~ y'all can do whatever you like though! :bubble:
  10. Fading Mentality

    Fading Mentality Active Member

    I can only speak for myself on this topic. I personally have high standards, even though while I was in the military I did sleep around a lot. I would be lying if I said looks did not matter as the first level of attraction comes from visual input. For me the next level of attraction is intelligence (which means the most to me), here lies my problem. Call it conditioning or just the lack of importance to a majority of people, but it is near impossible to find an intelligent woman (intelligent in my own terms which may vary to others) and attractive in all other areas to me while fitting what she would be interested in at the same time. In a short answer that would be dating material to me, I must add that childless is the only choice for me as well which is very hard to find at thirty. As for random sexual encounters I see it this way. We are all human and have the primal innate need/urge to have sex for obvious reasons. Therefore if one is not attached to a partner, and sometimes even if so, the need is unfilled and as the urge grows standards drop giving you the one night stand or midnight booty call. What I think would be beneficial to both sexes is if instead of both lying/using each other that we could be honest and state that we are either looking for a partner or just self gratification this matter would be less stressful. Since I personally am picky and haven't had a true relationship in some time, when I go out to full fill my needs I am blunt yet polite without stupid pickup lines or mental game play and do just fine.

    As for the guys who "stick it in anything", they either have their own mental issues with sex, are fitting the "guy image" for acceptance, or just have no clue what a valid connection to the opposite sex is. Just my opinion though...
  11. Stray

    Stray Account Closed

    How much she has going on upstairs.
  12. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Sex only girl = puts out first

    Wife material = appreciates the friendship/mutual growth process, and demands commitment first

    This is all there is. I seriously don't see what these girls expect a man to respect in you when you don't demand he compromise anything in order to have you; you just open your labia as far and wide as you can, thinking just because he puts his penis in you, that he should be committed to you henceforth.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 21, 2010
  13. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    I think that's bullshit PB. Women who put out can be nice, but that doesn't eliminate them from the girlfriend or wife category. When I was with my girlfriend we were physical from the first night, and what we had from then on was a lot more than just sex. Most guys aren't that pathetically shallow that they wouldn't have a relationship with a girl that puts out early.

    OP, it has just as much to do with the guy as it does with the girl. Some guys don't want girlfriends and commitments, some do. Some guys want company, some want freedom. Some are attracted to a girl from the start, some need time, and some just aren't (yet they can still sleep with them, should the opportunity arise).

    And on the topic of the girl, some guys just aren't attracted enough to a girl (I'm talking personailty here) to want to be with them more than a night or two. Guys do look for more than just sex or a good body, they want someone they can talk to and laugh with. If a guy can't do that with a girl, then being together is most likely not an option. It is not just about putting out. (Most) Men aren't like horny teenagers, give us some credit.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 21, 2010
  14. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I've asked this question in a few different places and everybody seems to mention the whole 'if she puts out too quickly' thing. But the fact of the matter is... not every girl puts out that quickly and STILL gets thrust into the only good for sex category.
    So I guess what you say makes sense Tobes. Especially the part about all guys being different, I'd imagine the sex too quickly thing would be the general consensus obviously, but I suppose my question was also about the people that don't put about, what about them.

    Also the fact that I am going to a wedding on August 7th for two people that met during a one night stand, says it all!
  15. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I don't entirely agree with the 'if she puts out too quickly' suggestion. Sometimes not putting out early enough will just drive the man to get it from somewhere else, or losing interest because he can't get what he wants quick enough. This doesn't mean the guy is just looking for sex, but it could be that if she doesn't put out early enough then the two aren't given time to get to know eachother a bit more and realise they share a stronger connection than just sex.

    That being said, what is an acceptable amount of time for a girl to hold off before sleeping with a guy she is serious about? I'm fairly sure the opinion men have on when is too early and when is just right vary, so it can't be expected of a girl to just know when the right time is to take things further.
  16. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    A problem I have struggled with a hell of a lot! I know some people who say 3 dates, others who say at least one month, some even say more... some go by dates (10 dates etc.)

    And then obviously you have that 'when it feels right' thing, which I'm sorry to say is bullshit, if you fancy someone if feels right the minute you see them.
  17. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Fact of the matter is, 70-80 percent of the time when newly acquainted "friends" have sex and have some type of "relationship" afterward (better known as an unknown fling, where they think they're in a relationship but it's really just a fling), the "relationship" is over usually in less than six months. Many times, less than twelve weeks, if not twelve days. These are just facts. It's rare long term relationships are developed when the sexual stage is met prematurely.

    Talk to men who are actually married and mature and developed and successful in their relationship. When they know they can tap that ass for nearly nothing, it's a hit it and quit it, or hit it, fake it, then quit it, "having fun" type of situation. Only girls get attached in that situation and actually believe they're someone's dearest love. I don't know how they do it in the UK and AUS, but in America this type of shit is rampant, particularly among boys in their early-mid twenties.

    Sex isn't everything, but after having sex, it does mean a lot because women are more emotional. And during sex, that emotion is manifested most for women, who get the misconception that the man they're fucking is supposed to be committed to them afterward. While the man's like "oohhh yay! sex woohoo!" whilst being "hmmmmmm i don't know, we'll see" about the relationship, the chick asks him "so... where do we stand" the next day with the image of him already being her 'boyfriend' in her mind.

    Give the friendship some time. If a dude breaks up with you for "moving too slow" and being "not soon enough," after just 3 dates? 10 dates? 20 dates? (it doesn't matter how many dates, really), then you know his want for you being someone he actually cares about, respects, and wants to be around in the future, is neither present nor genuine. ... In my opinion of course, and it is not an inexperienced one!

    Honestly, how many close friends that you actually respected and trusted and loved, did you break off your friendship with, just because they wouldn't let you fuck 'em? Rare.

    The ones that are only good for sex, are the ones that make themselves most easily available for sex. Makes sense. The ones that are not only good for sex, don't. Doubly sensible.
  18. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Not saying everyone should play 'hard to get,' (because at the end of the day you just won't ever get got) but making it 'hard to get inside' has a higher rate of working in the woman's favor and decreasing her risk of being used for sex/perceived as a con freak, etc. embarrassing things.
  19. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Respect. A guy has to talk to his girlfriend, relate to her mentally and emotionally, his friends will meet her, they will talk about her when she's gone, etc etc. A friend and I were talking about this one night and agreed: it's not possible to fall in love with a woman we don't respect, the two feelings go hand in hand. There's a big difference between the girl that has sex with you on the second date and the girl that gives porn star head in the bathroom the same night you meet.

    If you respect yourself and demand respect from potential boyfriends, are at least a little smart, a little pretty and are actually interesting as a person, you're girlfriend material. He'll either give you the respect you deserve and treat you like girlfriend material, or he'll move on. That's really all it is.
  20. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    You missed out "being seen/treated as someone with no self respect and a sexual object." Can you see how some women, would not want to go anywhere near men who have this kinda mindset about women, and how offensive and offputting it is?

    I am curious, where did you get your statistics from? And if it lasted 6-12 months surely it's the quality of the relationship that counts, rather than the length of time?