What makes you want to hold on to your life?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by John Smith, Feb 29, 2016.

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  1. John Smith

    John Smith Member

    It's not just today but it's been a while that I felt I had no strong clinging onto my own life.
    As I wrote on another thread(Let it all out forum?), and in the chat rooms, I wouldn't mind if I died any time of the day, in any fashion.

    As I talked with some other members, I got this hint that a lot of people here are looking for the purpose of their lives and just something to live for, be it a cat or or horse.

    A lot of people say that you have your family so you shouldn't die or you have so much to live for.


    I love my family but I feel that I'm totally fine with me being dead and not being able to see them again.

    So much?
    Meh, again. I'll pass on that solid gold bars. <- I feel like this.

    So I've been thinking about this something to live for, with no avail.

    Can it be skiing?
    Can it be playing video games?

    This, something to live for should not be destructive nor socially intolerated.
    So far the things that gives me most happiness are playing video games and martial arts.
    But then again, I'm totally fine with not being able to do those things for reasons of being dead. :)

    Maybe I should join the army or the bomb dispose squad!

    It would be helpful if you could share what makes you want to avoid death.
    Thank you :)
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I really hope you find what you need to live for. Why not let it be your own future? Do you have a dream job?

    What keeps me alive for me is my boyfriend, and wanting to start a life with him, create the family I never had.
    And also, my favourite TV show keeps me alive. 'Luckily' they have long hiatus periods. I also live for my favourite actor, who coincidentally plays one of the main characters on that TV show. I saw him live last year in London, and I even visited one of the places they film the show. I live to watch more of his work... and to find out what happens next there. And it really does help.
    I live for meeting the actor one day, to thank him for what he means to me, or just to get an autograph.
    Petal likes this.
  3. Fluffypingu

    Fluffypingu Safety and Support Chat Pro SF Supporter

    hugs hun i am living for me so i can do WHAT i want also my family hope this helps huge hugs
  4. John Smith

    John Smith Member

    @ThePhantomLady I hope you guys have a happy relationship. A special someone can be a good supporter.

    In my case though, my special someone is... regrettably the main source of my distress. My special someone is suffering from PTSD, dyslexia and anxiety. The only healthy way of improving relationship, talking, is barred.

    So I'm trying to find something to live for other than a special someone.

    @Fluffypingu Thank you for hugs. I feel better already.

    So, again it is something that you live for but I still quite don't have a clue. Srill looking for it.

    Thank you for your time :)
  5. James5706

    James5706 SF Supporter

    What makes me want to hold on to life.....??
    As much as I love my wife, it's not totally her.... Which in all honesty makes me feel like I've betrayed her...:(
    During my really low days, i keep going for the sake of my 2 children. I've seen first hand what happens to "kids" that have a parent who has ended their life.
    They're full of guilt, confusion, and frustration, that they didn't see the signs, or couldn't help. And in some cases go down the same route as their parent.
    In my case, it makes me feel trapped. But maybe that's a good thing?? Partly because not all my days are that bad...
    I suppose in essence, it doesn't matter what keeps you going, as long as something does. At least to help you through the worst days....
    Good luck to you.
    Williamstuckinarut likes this.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    The hope of one day being free from anxiety. Being free from the day to day hassle of it. I know I can get better if I work hard enough, I started DBT today, even the first session was hard, but I believe I can do this and finally see the light at the end of the tunnel!

    I also live for my family, they are great to me most times :)
    Williamstuckinarut likes this.
  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    My nephew is a big reason I am still here. Don't know what I would do without him. Also I am fearful of death, so I guess that's a good thing because it prevents me from taking the final plunge.
  8. Northern

    Northern SF Supporter

    My parents mostly. It would be so cruel of me to kill myself.

    Also I think there is a chance that I find happiness, rather by finding love or with meds or both
  9. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I have to give back to this site as this site saved my life. I hurt a lot of people and I must repay society in a textual and donating money to less fortunate ones. The reason is that I might have everything today but tomorrow I might just have the clothes I wear. I will forever give back as it's the right thing to do.....
  10. AdamTide

    AdamTide Well-Known Member

    What helps me is helping others and giving to others. It can be your time or your money or your attention.Help those less fortunate.Volunteer at a local charity. Donate clothes. Donate money to a good charity. I have given 900 individual food items to my local food closet. The other day I comforted a co-worker who was having a panic attack. Another day I comforted another one who was sad over a dead spouse. It helps you to help OTHERS. There IS hope. Feel free to PM me. I'll be there I will be your friend. -Darius Rucker
    sahel likes this.
  11. Deety

    Deety Well-Known Member

    My two young sons. They were why I stopped my last attempt midway. Until that point they had not been enough, I thought they were better with me gone and/or I simply couldn't take their needs into account when I wanted to die so badly. As consciousness was slipping away that changed, so I guess I keep going for them at the moment.
  12. Winslow

    Winslow Antiquitie's Friend SF Supporter

    What makes me decide to hold onto life is ironically fear . What I mean is fear that if I try suicide that it will most likely backfire and make me wind up worse than I already am, e.g., (without revealing any method), a botched attempt which makes me wind up with irreparable brain-damage and/or makes my body paralyzed.
    Inspire&Inquire likes this.
  13. sahel

    sahel SF Supporter

    Your attitude is awesome, I am so lucky to be here and see people like you:)
    I do wish you find things for yourself to make you want to keep going, because I have no doubt that you deserve it, May all the good Karma come back to your life, pretty soon:)
    AdamTide likes this.
  14. AdamTide

    AdamTide Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for saying that !
  15. Flying Fox

    Flying Fox Well-Known Member

    Nothing but this, and, ironically, my first attempt backfired and now from T6 down my body is permanently paralyzed. I have actually tried to go do it several times, out at night, even tried to meet up with someone else and now it fills me with fear. In the head, it is easy and there is no fear, the opposite is true when you go out there with the intention to try. And all my attempts have ended in failure; and I also fear that I will end up worse.

    Even living for family and old family friends is not enough. I am a drain of resources, and they can get by without me.
  16. jessicah

    jessicah New Member

    I dont live for anything. Not even me.
  17. AdamTide

    AdamTide Well-Known Member

    Jessicah, you can live for the good things in life like music and nature and laughter. Get some sunlight. Write out your feelings and emotions and thoughts. Sing or cry to get it all out. Take a nice drive. Enjoy a good hot shower or bath. Think positively. It may not seem like it right now but things WILL get better.
  18. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    My dog.....nothing else makes any sense anymore. I wish I didn't feel like this, but I just feel empty inside and I can't seem to shake the feeling.
  19. AdamTide

    AdamTide Well-Known Member

    Well feeling that way about your dog is a good thing. It is a POSITIVE thing. Now do your best to fill your head with positive thoughts. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Life can be good for you. To help the emptiness you can do stuff like watch a funny video or video of cute animals or just whatever. You can help others which in turn would help yourself. Listen to some comforting, uplifting music. In Rockabye Shawn Mullins sings "everything's gonna be alright" and in Breathe Anna Nalick sings "cradle your head in your hands and breathe just breathe". There is GOOD to be had in life. You will be ok.
  20. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Thanks Adam, your posts are always positive and uplifting and......true :)
    I get in this negative mindset from habit I believe and need to work on changing it.
    Thanks for the response
    AdamTide likes this.
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