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What matters anymore?

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Staff Alumni
What matters? Tonight I just...feel like I have lost everything. I just am ready to give up again, and to cut again, but I can't because I don't have enough time. It's 1am, Work is tomorrow. I am losing out again. My feelings were held in again, all this time. My heart is hurting, bleeding, again, and again.

Over and over I just can't get over anything. I'll never be loved. I'll never have friends. The people I wish I could call friends are all...well, not so friendly. Everyone else gets treated better. Apparently I'm just doing something wrong. I'm always wrong.

I'm just alone...I can't feel anymore. I can't see the light anymore. My life's falling to pieces and the sands of time are slipping through my fingers. I'm just me again, being depressed. Cutting until i'm satisfied. Trying to cry, but I can't. I can barely pull a sob if I try.

The pain, the way it hurts my chest, to the palms of my hands. The pain, as it sings in my head, my faults, what I'm not. The voice tells me that I will never be loved. I have been convinced. People just don't like me.

I just want someone to hurt me...to hurt me as bad as possible sometimes. And to kill me, if they can. I suck...I can never be anything. I need to be punished for my retarded mistakes. I can't do anything right...

I'm sorry for ranting...I'm just ready to die again. I don't have a reason to live again. I never did, I just was keeping my mind off it. But I'm ready...please...


Did anything happen to make you feel like you've lost everything again?

I find that something usually triggers these feelings.

I wish I had something to say but I don't. What your write speaks to me as I felt like that last week,, but at the moment that pain is not intense- I suppose this is a reminder that things, feelings do change.

Please take care of yourself. You can get through this. You will have friends. It takes a while to realise what is stopping you, or what you are scared of and takes time to work through these fears.


Well-Known Member
your words explain exactly how I feel... I am so sorry you are suffering. I wish I had some advice about how to make it hurt less, but I haven't figured it out yet. PM me if ya like though...
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