this probably isn't the right place to post because i think i'm not really in "crisis." i'm at peace (mostly), content that this is the right thing . . . the thing that i must do. i have selected the date, and the method has been chosen for years. there are just a few things to finish before i can go to make sure that the effect on my family is as minimal as possible. it is an overwhelming list, but one i can manage because i know i have to . . . having a deadline is good in that regard. so i guess all that i want to say is that i know that everyone's circumstances are different, and my story is not the same as anyone else's, but i truly and sincerely hope that each and every one of you will seek whatever help you need to find the way to change courses -- this is not the answer, and you should not look at it as a viable choice. help is out there, so please, please, please take advantage of it and set yourself on the road to a healthy and happy life. i believe in my heart that everyone deserves such a life and is capable of living it . . . some of us just need more help, better directions, a strong guide. that is out there for you. please find it . . . you are -- all of you are -- valuable and important and deserving of happiness and love.