What Next??

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Stranger1, Sep 3, 2009.

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  1. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I have been really down for the past couple of months.. I put on my mask that everything is fine but inside I am in total misery..I feel like life will never get any better.. Alot of it is my fault because I isolate myself from everyone.. I stay locked away in my bedroom..I won't give anyone a reason to try and get close to me.. Hell I live with my sister and we don't even talk..
    Both my therapist and family are pushing me to go do volunteer work.. I don't want to.. All I want is for them to leave me the hell alone..I will never let anyone get close to me again..
    My SI is starting to get worst again.. I just want to C** and call it quits.. I have two friends from the forum that I stay in dailey contact with thru emails..They are the closest people to me..I don't know why I am writing this because I don't aire my problems out in public..I just don't know what to do any more..Why does life have to suck so bad?? I read a thread a little while ago about a person saying he will never be employable again.. Well I relate to that.. I have been disabled from all these mental problems for sixteen years.. What do I put on a resume.. That I am totally loco and haven't worked in sixteen years..Who's going to hire someone like me..
    I don't find anything to keep my interest..My therapist says it's because I have grown bored with them..I think it's because I am backsliding to the way I was before I joined the forum.. All I do is lay in bed staring at the ceiling with my mind totally blank..I feel as if I am already dead so why do I bother wasting good air..I once was worth something and had a good life then I snapped and life turned into a total nightmare for me..I am steady loosing reasons to keep going..I tell myself tomorrow will be better.. They never are, it's always the same shit..Hell I can't even muster enough energy and willpower to go to the frigging store..Maybe tomorrow.. Sorry for being so boreing but that is how my life is.. BOREING!!! Why try?? Whats next??
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN


    It's okay for you to post about your problems in public. That's what this site is here for ... so people can post and get support. You deserve that as much as everyone else does.

    You're still worth so much. What happened that caused you to snap? And why don't you want to let anyone get close to you?
  3. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Hi Joseph, saddened to hear you are feeling this way. You have so much to offer to the world no matter how long you have been out of work. Your wise words and compassion I know have helped many people here on the forum. Don't question your worth my friend. You are definately one of the good guys. I've been offline for a while but am now back so will be around most days at some point. Here for you if you need to chat. Best wishes.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Thank you wildcherry, I have major trust issues because every relationship i've been in has cheated on me.. My so called friends would just use me for what ever they could get out of me.. They also would try and get me in fights because of my size.. I just pushed everyone away and isolated myself..I had a nervous breakdown sixteen years ago because of problems at home and my job was very high stressed..It all piled up on me and I lost it and tried to kill myself..Now I don't trust anyone other than my therapist.. It took her four years to gain my trust..
    Simon Thanks for the kind words..You have always been there when I have been down.. I might take you up on your offer to PM you..Right now I am not talking to anyone.. I wake up and I feel that my nerves are shot.. I take my meds and it usually takes a couple of hours of shaking and worrying before they kick in and start helping..Thanks Again!!
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I hope you talk to someone. I know you mentioned you have two friends from here that you keep in touch with everyday. Can you let them know how you feel?

    I've seen you help so many people out here; your posts are full of kind words, compassion, and helpful advice. I hope you'll let someone help you in the same way you've helped so many people. If there's anything I can do, just PM me.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey sorry you are feeling this way. I have been there broke down almost signed myself in to psych ward but somehow didn't. Just yesterday had symptoms of a minor stroke hubby so worried. Isolating ourselves from the pain from people who are so hurtful but in return i think we are internalizing the pain and it is killing us. I hope you can talk to your therapist get an earlier appt as talking will help a bit. Please try to reach out even to your sister she will understand maybe just get out and have a coffee with her.
    take care my heart goes out to you as i understand this kind of pain take care.
  7. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    I wish I had the words, the means to help you feel better. Unfortunately I don't, but I am always here for you. I know you find it hard to trust people and you know I struggle with that too. Perhaps it's something we both need to work on?

    I hope you find the strength to reach out & get the help that you need & deserve. I'm going to worry about you when I'm away.

    Speak soon, love you loads :hug: xx
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