I have been really down for the past couple of months.. I put on my mask that everything is fine but inside I am in total misery..I feel like life will never get any better.. Alot of it is my fault because I isolate myself from everyone.. I stay locked away in my bedroom..I won't give anyone a reason to try and get close to me.. Hell I live with my sister and we don't even talk.. Both my therapist and family are pushing me to go do volunteer work.. I don't want to.. All I want is for them to leave me the hell alone..I will never let anyone get close to me again.. My SI is starting to get worst again.. I just want to C** and call it quits.. I have two friends from the forum that I stay in dailey contact with thru emails..They are the closest people to me..I don't know why I am writing this because I don't aire my problems out in public..I just don't know what to do any more..Why does life have to suck so bad?? I read a thread a little while ago about a person saying he will never be employable again.. Well I relate to that.. I have been disabled from all these mental problems for sixteen years.. What do I put on a resume.. That I am totally loco and haven't worked in sixteen years..Who's going to hire someone like me.. I don't find anything to keep my interest..My therapist says it's because I have grown bored with them..I think it's because I am backsliding to the way I was before I joined the forum.. All I do is lay in bed staring at the ceiling with my mind totally blank..I feel as if I am already dead so why do I bother wasting good air..I once was worth something and had a good life then I snapped and life turned into a total nightmare for me..I am steady loosing reasons to keep going..I tell myself tomorrow will be better.. They never are, it's always the same shit..Hell I can't even muster enough energy and willpower to go to the frigging store..Maybe tomorrow.. Sorry for being so boreing but that is how my life is.. BOREING!!! Why try?? Whats next??