What next?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Wastingecho, Feb 6, 2010.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Friday was really bad and more than a little scary.

    Got through the day and fell asleep in my chair for 2 hours

    didn't sleep well at all after that and spent all Saturday tired, nervous, and on edge

    Can't figure out a way to tell my wife how bad Friday was without freaking her out which will only make me feel worse.

    it's been really rough since August, doesn't seem to be getting better or letting up and yesterday was the closest I have ever come to finally trying to kill myself.

    Posting now because my family is at a high school show I didn't want to see. Only other time i can post is at work, but I.T. has started blocking some outside non-business sites. Chat is already blocked and if i lose this resource i'm not sure what will happen but i don't imagine it will be good.

    I don't know how to get past my distrust of professionals or figure out how to beat this anymore.

    I know it's not smart, but i put my valium in my backpack with my xanax. I don't think i can take another day like yesterday. I'm scared and i don't have any ideas on what to do. I think I'm out of options.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and so sorry you are feeling this way...please PM me if I can be there for you..caring thoughts, J
     
  3. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    have tried to enter chat room 4 times now and can't do it.

    i'm getting so frustrated with myself i wan tto smash my head on the keyboard

    i am my own worst enemy
     
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Let me know if I can help...J
     
  5. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    don't think anyone can help anymore

    going to go to bed and pretend to get some sleep

    really wish I could sleep for more than 1 1/2 hours at a time without waking up
     
  6. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Contact me if I can help...caring thoughts, J
     
  7. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    Hey Echo how are you doing today? i remember you have been very down friday, are you feeling any better? i realy hope you will be able to have some more sleep, not only is it not healthy but it doesnt help your depression either having only a bit sleep.is there anything which you could do make yourself tiered, like running or any sport? it realy does help to make your mind free and maybe you could have some more sleep if you are able to make yourself tiered.
    keep posting buddy.
    drop me a pm in case you want to talk about it
     
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Talk to your doctor about trazadone.. It helps you fall asleep and is an antidepressant..If you wake up in the middle of the night take another one.. Thats how mine are prescribed because I also don't sleep more than 3 hours at a time..
     
  9. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Slept in bits and pieces

    took an hour and a half to fall asleep the first time

    kept waking up every hour or so

    smile when i'm with my family but still feel like crap

    already told my doctor three times that I'm having trouble sleeping and he hasn't prescribed anything

    could only take it on the weekend anyway - have to be up by 5 to go to work - been doing it so long can't sleep past there anymore - just keep fading out on the couch - usually with a cat sleeping on my chest

    guess i'm good for something

    the thought of going back to the office tomorrow is making me sick

    counted my XXXX - prescription is from 2000 but should still have some potency. add xxx and i can just fade away at my desk - no one will notice until after 5 anyway

    can't get the thought of dying out of my head

    i don't find that so frightening right now
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 7, 2010
  10. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    spent all day with my family - watching movies, grocery shopping - standard stuff

    i just wanted to scream

    my wife wanted to buy something to make for the super bowl - told her i probably wasn't going to watch

    she gave me a funny look and said "call the doctor". might have helped if there was compassion behind it instead of annoyance

    i'm just an insignificant bump in the road

    kind of rambling i'm sorry not focusing too well

    to those who tried to help, thank you

    to those who say the care, please stop

    i'm not worth caring about and i'll onl;y disappoint you in the end
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 7, 2010
  11. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    :hug:
     
  12. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Just checking in to see how you are doing...big hugs, J
     
  13. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    giving up
     
  14. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    PLEASE don't give up!!!
     
  15. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    sorry

    woke up in tears

    just want to crawl into a hole and die
     
  16. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    I am so sorry you are hurting **hugs**

    I do hear how much pain you are in. Sounds like you feel alone and in pain. Maybe frustrated too? **hugs** Please try to remember, there are people here for you. You don't have to go it alone.

    We are trying to hold you fellow.


    Are there certain times of day when you feel worse, or that seem to be more difficult to get through?

    Could you try to keep talking to us? Rambling about anything is fine, even things that seem unrelated.

    -hugs--

    Please try to be safe, ok?
     
  17. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    we all love you here
     
  18. jckson

    jckson Account Closed

    First Consult with well and good doctor because i think you are feeling so much pain and illness.If you do not take care abot it then it will increased and all we are love you lot.
    Thanks
     
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