What no one in my life knows.

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by happyville, Nov 5, 2009.

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  1. happyville

    happyville Well-Known Member

    About a year ago I overdosed <Mod Edit:shades-methods> that the doctor thought would help my back better than an actual pain reliever. :| Anyway, I had seizures, about five of them, had to stay in the hospital, and nearly died.

    Everyone thinks it's an accident. I've even made myself believe it was. But I know it wasn't. My back was killing me and I kept taking them and taking them, because I just wanted everything to stop hurting. I tell them this, but it's in relation to my back pain, not anything else. I knew that I could die, and it just encouraged me.

    I'm glad I didn't die. I was so thankful I didn't, even though I'd wanted to when I took them. It was definitely a wake-up call; I'd nearly bitten my tongue in half, had busted veins in my face for weeks, and had headaches for even longer afterwards.

    But absolutely no one knows that it wasn't just stupid carelessness, and it's a terrible secret, almost a burden. I tried to kill myself.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 5, 2009
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Consider it a learning experience instead of letting it eat away at you.. Alot of us have been there some of us more than once..No one knows but you so make peace with your self and forgive yourself and move on.. You have a full life ahead of you and shouldn't let this hold you back..If it helps keep posting here and get the support you need to to help you put this behind you.. Good Luck!!!
     
  3. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Thanks for sharing Kim. Is it a weight off your shoulders just letting it out? On the outside im the bubbly happy fun girl but on the inside i know who i am and im sad, i relate a bit to you, i tried years ago to try and kill myself and it didnt work and im happy :) Anyway, im here whenever ya wanna have a chit chat.

    Kate
    x
     
  4. happyville

    happyville Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much, guys. : )

    Yes, Kate, it is a weight off my shoulders. These days I'm not sure if I'd really intended to kill myself or not, because that's just not who I am - I appreciate all the little things in life so much, but depression smothers that up and takes away that part of me. The memories are still fuzzy because I was so emotionally low, but I think part of it is not wanting to admit to myself that I tried to do something that would have hurt so many people. It did hurt people! I hurt everyone around me, everyone, and the guilt is something I still struggle with, but I'm not letting it hold me back. I'm so glad I didn't die, because now I can try to fight my depression for the millionth time and make it up to everyone. : )
     
  5. It's a great thing, learning from your past mistakes. I am happy that you didn't die as well, and you should take this gift and keep moving forward because out of everyone, YOU were given a second chance. Make something beautiful with your life. And please, don't feel guilty. Hundreds and thousands of people feel like you did, and you can take your experiences and help someone else out. =]
     
  6. happyville

    happyville Well-Known Member

    That reply means a lot, thank you.

    P.S. - I love Bob Marley!
     
  7. Eire

    Eire Member

    Thanks for sharing =) I do that but not seriously yet, I mean pills w/ drinking. My cousin ODed on some and my other one is going down the same road but...I dunno, I just do them for fun but I'd rather do it how my aunt did, I know tht way would work. I'm scared of the pills way just incase what happened to you happens to me and it dosn't work. I mean I wouldnt have but I lost religion a while ago I just dont see a point lol I tried being Buddhist it helped some =) I recommend that to anyone, Theravada.
     
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