what now

[Shelly]

i don't know what to say...
i know the less i talk the less mistake i make...

sometimes i want to make things better even though i don't really know what to say to make things better... even though i myself am always in and out of a bad place...
hoping if i help someone then things would be better...
kind of selfish.

somedays are bearable, somedays you're okay but in a snap, things turn upside down.
you don't know what to say...
you don't know where to go...
you just feel you don't belong anywhere...
what now...

most days you just feel like a shadow, just drifting... disappearing in the darkness of depression.
i don't make any sense i know... i know i'm just ranting...
disappearing doesn't sound so bad, if it's the only way to make it go away...
permanently.

i feel okay in a moment but those vivid memories of pain, suffering, loss, death, disappointment, rejection, abandonment, incompetence, doubts, judgement, betrayal, memories of reality, all of those consumes the word "okay", nothing is left but darkness
i dont want this
there are no words... nothing, nothing to make it go away.

except if i stop existing.

 

[Daisy111]

Hi Shelly

I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling like this, and have such sad and painful memories. Please remember that these memories are things that have been and gone! The moment doesn't ecxist anymore and you have many happy memories to come! Can you think of any happy memories now?
I'm sure in your day to day life you are not insignificant to other people. I promise you are loved.

If you stop existing, the world would be dimmer, you are here for a reason.

What have you been up to today?
Daisy xx

 

[Nick]

I get it, I get what you're saying. It's makes sense to me. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. We're here any time you want to talk.