What Now?

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by ppppaaauul, Jun 20, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. ppppaaauul

    ppppaaauul Member

    I found this forum after my first suicide attempt and found it to be very helpful yet last tuesday I had a really bad day and impulsively bought the necessary tools to commit suicide, I drove to the most secluded place I could find and proceeded to end it all, basically this time i really did not want to be found.

    I was several hours later found by a local farmer who had noticed a car parked in his field I am told, I do not remember this as I was unconcious at the time and woke in the early hours of wednesday morning in the local hospital.

    The next day I was given the option to check myself into the phsyce ward which i did as I believed if i disagreed i would be sectioned. I was put on constant ops which entailed having someone follow me around 24/7 which was to say the least uncomfortable but i can understand why. I was allowed eventually to walk around unaccompanied and felt safe inside the ward and was able to talk to a girl that had gone through a similar situation as my own.

    I was released on Monday on the condition that i move back into the care of my parents, and now that i am back in there home i kinda wish i wasnt if that makes sense. I talked about my suicide attempts when i was on the ward but never had the urge to do anything, but now im home with my parents again i find myself comtemplating it once more. Even though my family are here I find myself confining myself to my room and not really wanting to talk to anyone, I guess i am ashamed at what i have done but still find myself thinking about it.

    I dont know what it is and was just wondering if anyone else has gone through anything similar. I want to get on with my life I really do but when im home i find myself worrying about things like going back to work and what they might say, thinking about what my ex is doing, worrying what people think of me which in turn leads to my suicidal thoughts.

    Truth be told i still want to die but really scared of failing for a third time, the thought of feeling like this every time life gets on top of me is a scary thought i dont know if i could handle that.
     
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Paul I am glad you were found by the farmer. i know you aren't, but many of us are. I am sorry you have come to the place in your life that you feel death is the only answer. There are other options to be explored in everyone's life. I hope you will find some of these options and do your best to explore them. Suicide should be the last option available to you. i don't think we really ever run out of other options, so really it can be taken off of the table. You posted this a few days ago and I am wondering how you are doing now. I hope you are feeling at least a little better. Stay safe. :hug:
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.