What now?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Moteh, Dec 25, 2007.

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  1. Moteh

    Moteh Member

    I have no idea where my life is going anymore. I messed up really bad in school. I'm sure my mother wants me out of the house and I'm not too fond of her either. I feel so bad now. All of my friends were great people and seemed like they had a future going for them. I can't help but compare myself to them.

    To make things worse, I feel like I won't be able to keep hold of my sanity. I am a very passive person and I end up holding so much anger inside. I usually let it out randomly at some point in the year, but I haven't been able to do that for some reason. I'm afraid that if I unleash anything now, I won't stop and something catastrophic will happen.

    I can't talk to any of my friends about this. I can't seem to talk to any of my friends at all. When they call me, I usually don't pick up anymore. I'm afraid that they will just call me to laugh at me and put me down even more.

    What do I do now? Is there anything I CAN do? I just can't seem to think right these days.......
     
  2. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    What makes you thnk your mother would want or wants you out coz you had problem at school?

    Your friends might wonder how come, what's going on, what's happening to you... why you wont take their calls.... but why laugh ??? Am I missing something?

    granny
     
  3. Moteh

    Moteh Member

    A friend of mine was planning on moving out of his fathers apartment. He would of course need help so I figured the two of us would rent an apartment and we would both move out of our parents places. Before I told my mother of that plan though, I asked her what she thought about me moving out and she told me she couldnt wait and that I pissed her off these last couple of months.

    My friends aren't exactly the the best one could have. If one of us is feeling down, the way they react could go either way.
     
  4. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    never take to the letter, literaly, what parents say when upset hun. Many things are said out loud when we should turn our tongues 10 times before speaking..... parents tend as well as you, youngsters, to let out some of the overflow or stress.... then regret it but too late, words are out and harm done. sure if she knew how things really are for you, a good open conversation, with honesty and opneness of minds and hearts, she would surprise you..... and lots.

    cant you two sit down after the holidays and just talk things over?
     
  5. Moteh

    Moteh Member

    For us two to sit down and talk would be a very dangerous thing. I have too many negative emotions toward her and I'm sure I would let out everything that I think of her and her actions. In doing so, I'm sure she would do the same. She tried to have a conversation with me before and I wouldn't talk. She tried getting me drunk and I'm sure she regret it because I'm somewhat of a lightweight and within the first ten minutes of this conversation, I started saying what I thought of her and she cursed me out and all of this ended up in us two threatening eachother
     
  6. Moteh

    Moteh Member

    I'm pretty sure she's still mad about Thanks Giving as well. During the big dinner for Thanks Giving, she spent the whole time belittling me in front of all of her friends and I couldn't take it. As much as she wanted to to keep any liquor from me, I ended up drinking anyway...a lot. Every time she said something, it pissed me off and I just kept drinking untill I blacked out. During witch period, everyone tells me I was becoming brutally violent and I started shoving at my mother. I still can't believe that I was just shoving, however, my mother held a grudge because of this night for a long time.
     
  7. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Then it is time to face her on beliting you and explain that she had been triggering you to act out and that you are sorry for acting this way but at the time she had pushed you just too much and lost control.

    She might think over that night and raelize what she has done, part of responsability is her also.
     
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