Funny how most posts start with "I dont know why im here" or "I dont know why im writing this". Because i know we all do know why...or at least i do... Yet here i am writing this, Ive recently lost the single most important thing in my life and i didnt know that till it was too late. My girlfriend of what would have been 3 years this december decided it wasnt working and that although she still loved me...we couldnt work. There is alot more to the story but maybe thats for another time. I couldnt believe it at first...so we agreed on a break (i think she knew all along that we wouldnt get back together) because i belived like every other time that we had argued etc we would be back together in a few days. It was 7th November that i found out so here i am almost 2months later and still i think it will be ok. I know its wont because now she is seeing someone...albeit on a very casual basis but its clear she has been able to move on. I think i might suffer with either S.A.D or just a case of feeling sorry for myself but the last few years winter has been difficult for me. So when i needed that person most in my life, the person that i could rely on, the person that loved me, the person that i loved...wasnt there, i dont know what to do. I desperatley miss her affection. As weird as it is for me to say being a 20year old guy...i really need a hug. I feel like i need a release and that was what always made things ok. Where i get affection like that from someone who means it i dont know. Everywhere i look in life i manage to see her...by the songs i listen too and the conversations i have..someone i manage to link her to just about everything. I really want to forget and move on but i dont know how. I need a distraction, maybe someone new in my life. Problem is im quite a shy person at heart and dont really know the first thing about meeting girls. It was only by fluke i met her really. I cant stomach the thought of still being on my own by christmas time this year but how will i manage to find someone if i still love her? Sorry for the major rant....hope it makes sense as ive just been typing my thoughts as i go along.