What now

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Tom1988, Jan 5, 2009.

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  1. Tom1988

    Tom1988 New Member

    Funny how most posts start with "I dont know why im here" or "I dont know why im writing this". Because i know we all do know why...or at least i do...

    Yet here i am writing this,

    Ive recently lost the single most important thing in my life and i didnt know that till it was too late. My girlfriend of what would have been 3 years this december decided it wasnt working and that although she still loved me...we couldnt work. There is alot more to the story but maybe thats for another time.

    I couldnt believe it at first...so we agreed on a break (i think she knew all along that we wouldnt get back together) because i belived like every other time that we had argued etc we would be back together in a few days. It was 7th November that i found out so here i am almost 2months later and still i think it will be ok. I know its wont because now she is seeing someone...albeit on a very casual basis but its clear she has been able to move on. I think i might suffer with either S.A.D or just a case of feeling sorry for myself but the last few years winter has been difficult for me. So when i needed that person most in my life, the person that i could rely on, the person that loved me, the person that i loved...wasnt there, i dont know what to do.

    I desperatley miss her affection. As weird as it is for me to say being a 20year old guy...i really need a hug. I feel like i need a release and that was what always made things ok. Where i get affection like that from someone who means it i dont know.

    Everywhere i look in life i manage to see her...by the songs i listen too and the conversations i have..someone i manage to link her to just about everything. I really want to forget and move on but i dont know how. I need a distraction, maybe someone new in my life. Problem is im quite a shy person at heart and dont really know the first thing about meeting girls. It was only by fluke i met her really. I cant stomach the thought of still being on my own by christmas time this year but how will i manage to find someone if i still love her?

    Sorry for the major rant....hope it makes sense as ive just been typing my thoughts as i go along.
     
  2. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Hi Tom, welcome to sf. There are many people here in the same situation so, i'm sure you will get the support you need right now.
    none of us are ever too old for a hug :hug:

    Lea x
     
  3. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    hi tom

    guess what? your not alone in how you feel, i went thru the same thing about 18months ago, split with partner of 8 years almost.
    what you are feeling is a sense of loss similar to greiving, and yes it bloody hurts right now, anything you see, do, hear etc etc reminds you of her, you feel lonely, confused as to why, you wonder if it could have worked if this happened or that, you feel shut out after being involved for so long, your lost as to what to do next and where to go.
    on top of that your shy i find it hard to meet women so thats another worry.

    i don't know how bad it is for you but if you feel suicidal over this ( i did ) then get to your docs and see if you can get some meds, but believe me, it will get better in time, you will be able to get your life back and find a way to move on.

    just be strong tom
     
  4. Tom1988

    Tom1988 New Member

    Thanks Andy. Dont know i feel better knowing its not just me but at least im not alone. Im still feeling at a loss and like you said totally shut out of a part of my life that i enjoyed the most....doesnt make sense to me.

    I need to try and keep busy and im glad ive got people i can talk to on here...(thanks laura!) really helps to be able to have a normal relaxed chat with someone i dont know. Makes it easier to talk and i feel that maybe i can pull through all this
     
  5. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    it will take time mate, just take one day at a time and dont try to rush things, if you need to chat sometime just pm me.

    take care
     
  6. Tom1988

    Tom1988 New Member

    So here I am again, 3 years on. I think I've jut about gotten over my ex properly in this last year. I've been with my current gf now for about 2.5 years. She recently moved in with me after falling out with her parents. I thought things were going well, but I've noticed his last month she seems more distant. Then on the 1st of jan she tells me that she's not sure anymore, it's nothing I've done apprantly, infact she tells me that's I've been nothing but nice to her. This is exactly what happened with my ex, it's not me. So what is it then? My ex was my first, so I had strong feelings and that took a long time to get over. Now it's happening to me again, id prefer if she said its because of x,yz so then I can do somthing to fix it. What can I do when two 2.5 year relationships fail but it wasn't my fault. I cant go on resetting myself every few years :( and then I find myself here again. I don't think I'm in any danger to
    Myself but it's good to talk and I'd rather not talk to my mates.

    Update: she just emailed me at work basically saying it's over. :( again not my fault....

    I can't do my job at work I'm so distracted and upset but can I say to my boss. Sorry i can't make to work today, I'd rather be dead :( all I want to do is share my life with someone but it seems thats not going to happen. There are only so many times I can have my heart broken before I think what's the point to life....
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 3, 2012
  7. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Good to hear back from you, Tom....I'm sorry to hear things did not work out between the two of you, but I am glad you have a safe place here to talk. I wish all the best to you in your future relationships and beyond. :hug:
     
  8. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Tom

    I am sorry things are difficult right now. Please reach out for support however you can.

    We are here for you.

    :hug:
     
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