Just can't do it anymore.. I've tried and tried, but this world has no place for me and I don't even think it wants me around. Tonight I was actually feeling not too bad, my thoughts of suicide still there but I felt.. almost my old self, so I decided pizza, beer and a movie might be a welcome change to sit and stare. Walking back up from the pub a young girl, maybe 13-14 walks up to me in tears and asks if I knew the time for the next bus to Gagebrook (1 of the rough outer suburbs). Course I didn't and I asked her whats wrong, seemed a couple of the Gagebrook 'boys' had threatened to rape her at the bus mall up the road so she was heading for a stop further away. Instant anger on my part but I knew I'm no match for a gang of guys, had the crap beaten out of me enough times before to realise that. So I gave her some phone money, made sure she got inside a local shopping mall and told her to call metro and to call the cops, tell them to do a drive-by of the mall. poor thing was terrified when I mentioned cops, since Tassie cops are so bias against Gagebrook'ers they think normal human rights don't apply. Long story short made sure she was safe and went and picked up my pizza and walked back 'home', looked at the pile of my things my step-mother had piled outside my door in her eager anticipation for me to leave so she can have my shed as storage space, looked around my dingy room and realised I just can't deal anymore with any of this. My dad knows I'm suicidal and planning on leaving here next week with no home or place to go to and dosen't give a toss, my step-mom is beside herself in glee over having the shed I currently live in as storage space, though of course she wants it properly water-proofed and fitted out before doing so. My social worker didn't bother turning up 3 times in a row to give me the ride to my doctor's that she promised me faithfully a dozen times. Basically I have noone, I am noone, and I live in a world I detest, how could a girl that young be allowed alone by her parents? Wait, Gagebrook, drugs, or just plain didn't give a stuff, how can any form of human threaten a child with harm, what sort of world are we in where police instill fear in children. Maybe the world is de-sensitised, I'm not, my heart breaks to see others suffer despite what I have to go through everyday myself. Sure theres good people, but none in my life or world, all this racist and bigoted crap I have to smile and nod to everyday or be considered a weirdo, being beaten and spat on when I defend a minority,being treated like a leper because I dare have DiD and depression, even to the point of my own father dosen't give a shit whether I live or die. Crisis forum.. I'm in a crisis, as far as I'm concerned I have one last thing to do at the end of this week, someone to say goodbye to and lie to them and pretend I'm just leaving for somewhere with no net.. then thats it. There must be somewhere better than this life, even if its a cold, dark grave full of nothing. All these people making promises they don't keep to me in real life.. and all I want is an answer from any of them, what do I have left to live for? For years I had my cat, I had my work, even a couple friends, now I have nothing but an 'illness' ripping me apart from the inside, I just want it all to stop.